NOT JUST ANOTHER SAD EMOTIONAL STORY.. Well .. It is but got a better ending. ^.^ and beginning. Ive never been SO HAPPY in so long. The past year , maybe just over, Ive created some of the most amazing paintings, stories and overall memories. The best ones were the ones Id always dreamt of and made come true. Sliding down waterfalls , riding elephants, drinking /dancing/singing/ prancing with some of the craziest and most wonderful people ever brought to earth are just a few of these many glorious moments ... This isnt a farewell to travelling, a goodbye to friends or a thank you message.. Much more. I know I , and many other people can come across slightly cheese ridden in our statuses , this one is too, but I promise you, its worth the read. Ive suffered from eating disorders and clinical depression for many years. Many of those years were covered with genuine and forced happiness , smiles, jokes and laughter. My eating disorder developed during my young teenage years. What started off as simply losing weight became an obsession which then spiralled out of control, affecting my body in all manners to the point of building a cloud named Depression . Before I came out travelling , I didnt know who I was, where I was going, where I wanted to go... The usual after university and during university thoughts . For some reason, I always felt I was in a worse position than others and would never find my way out. I let people down, cancelled plans, pretended to be someone I wasnt fully. I felt lonely even though I had and have some of the most amazing friends and family right next to me. I would feel the worst for no reason even though I had the best at my feet... My family struggled to understand what was wrong with me and I dont blame them. Easy to mistake a teenager with anger issues crazy outbursts and hormonal imbalances as going through puberty . Id have been fooled. I was never the popular kid so to speak, so suddenly having any kind of true attention from Friends , guys , animals, mammals in my late years was more difficult for me to handle than I even thought. Playing up to peoples expectations or just generally trying too hard. I could go on forever, however Ill jump to the better part. I got treatment, treatment I didnt complete. I was afraid, scared , some would say I was weak for not proceeding with this treatment... And some are right. However as many have felt and gone through similar situations , its not so easy trying to fix something which has been broken for so long , right? What did I do instead? Well I proudly finished my degree and ... Havent yet used it after a year of graduation haha During my final year at Uni, I decided I wanted to explore another country, just For a small while, booked my tickets and flew to Australia just after graduation . Why? Obviously for the sunshine and sports ... But more seriously, to run away from my problems. I can now honestly say, you really cant run away from problems. My issues just followed on in Australia . i relapsed more than a few times , broke down once or twice.. okay.. maybe three times ;p , had moments of anger which even i couldnt understand where they came from.. Then one day, I just got sick of myself. Angry at MYSELF, annoyed, pissed off, fed up , what ever you call it. So I Leapt up in the air and did a star jump. :) ha more than that, a star jump like no other, One whereby I shouted Caroline. Seriously wo-MAN the f**k up and gonna just stop being so grey?! .. And thats what I did. (Ill come back to this part in a second) Since travelling, Ive met many people who have suffered or are currently suffering the same problems I did, have gone through or are still recovering from. I see many people who dont tell me , however have apparent signs that they are suffering... From depression, anxiety, sadness or feeling lost. To those people and you also out there reading this, Im not asking you to give me any sympathy, to tell me how strong i am, to commend me on sharing this, to congratulate me on over coming what ever, I really ask you not to. What I do ask for , at least hope is that by reading this, you will re think your life. What I mean is, you can sit around moaning , complaining, crying, hiding in the dark all you want wasting minutes , hours, days wondering why youre not somewhere, Doing something else and then posting it on facebook/ posting pictures of A sad cloud on instagram or rain drizzling snapchats to your friends, or you could simply get up and raise your hands in the air to making things happen. Even TRYING is better than nothing. Whether its to moan about the dishes, or as big as to moan about becoming a movie star, you all gotta start somewhere. Pick up that sponge and scrub a little (especially you men ;p) , walk out the door and enter that acting competition, at the end of the day, you had a laugh.. Okay maybe not with the dishes but theyre done now. *big grin*. Caroline, just cause youve done it, Doesnt mean we are all as LUKCY .. Some of us have families, bills, jobs yeah yeah, I hear you. And youre absolutely correct.. Maybe I am just a little more free and have less responsibilities... But one thing for sure I know of is that it was NOT just LUCK. You make your own luck. I understand some have a family , some have a mortgage, some of you might even be .. IN A RELATIONSHIP! :0 OH. MY. GOODNESS! but really? Thats your excuse to stop yourself from trying or doing something- what you hope , dream, love? If you are one of these people in these situations, why not try just enjoying each moment youre given ? Make that simple day picking up your kids into something exciting. Why not try and surprise your children with something a little different to the end of their school day? Who doesnt like seeing their kids smile? Got a mortgage to pay off and not enough money to travel? To buy that new car? Start saving a tiny bit of cash from each pay check, maybe even realise youve just basically bought a house and how proud you must be to have paid it off yourself.. Or maybe half of it. I wont get too personal :p So back to my Star jump and changing my grey clouded world... This small trip abroad kinda extended itself ... Its now been a year , just Over when I left Scotland and I dont intend to stop travelling for a while. Ive visited so many parts of Australia and now asia and experienced amazing sports, new drinking games and new ways of transport? Haha Ive learnt how to handle myself , my Impatience, my speed of speaking, my once used to be broad Scottish accent , my drinking abilities which cant really be considered an ability.. :/ lol Ive overcome fears I USED TO have, pushed myself to limits I never thought I personally was possible of and most of all, Ive done all this in the company of some now life long friends. French, German , Swiss, Norwegian, male , female, a bit of both? :/ you know what the main thing Ive learnt? : 1. Is that its definitely Who youre with, not where you are. 2.To take opportunities with both hands , with regards to your lifestyle too and whether you actually want that opportunity. You just never know how it can turn out in the long run ;) 3. Dont think too much, it can really make situations more complicated... Just take life as it comes. Youll be surprised at how it can lower your stress levels, therefore your blood pressure, chances of a heart attack. Oh, for you ladies and some men, can really make a difference to your skin, hair, nails...most of all, your positive outlook on life :) 4. Its easier said than done , but try forgetting and throwing away negative thoughts, people, things... Why do you care so much? If it hurts you that much, is it/are they really worth all your stress and worry.. Energy and focus? Obviously give it/they a chance and speak or try and sort it but ongoing problems...Im Sure you get my jist :) 5. Dont ever say that word n*ver . Or I cant or its impossible . Whoever you learned that from needs a smack :p anything is possible.. It may take a bit longer than expected, more Energy to complete or you may or may not lost money, fat, muscle from doing it but you did it. And if you didnt quite manage to get there, try and try again! Maybe you wont have a chance to try again, however at least you tried. And thats the main thing. 6. The best form of treatment is to learn to be comfortable with yourself. STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE , body, boyfriend, girlfriend, home, job TO OTHERS. What one person holds may not actually be good for another person. Instead of being jealous, envious, a right bi**h about other people (not saying YOU are actually one of these people) , why not try and focus on yourself and making YOUR hopes , dreams, hair , tan grow ;) trust me, its working for me and I can honestly say again, Im the happiest and healthiest Ive been in so long. (Note: please take into consideration NOT purposely hurting others while in the process of self comfort. I dont want to be responsible for any insurance claims, hospital bills, broken hearts :p) 7. Do good and dont expect anything back. Just Do good. Need I say more? 8. Look after those who really make you smile. Good friends and family dont come often or easy So here I am, swinging from a wooden swingy chair thing in my absolutely quaint guesthouse in chinag mai. Writing this up as I eat cake with the receptionists, watch , oddly, the most beautiful cuckoo chicken ive seen eat .. something out the grass and ponder the next adventure I go on. :) which is ... ADVENTURE ZIP LINING ACTOSS A JUNGLE IN OVER 30 different ways. On a bicycle, Kung fu Styling (I didnt make that up, its quoted on the leaflet), Climbing nets and more...jungle walking, waterfall swimming and eating amazing Thai foods. With this , a master class of Thai cooking, trekking + mountain biking on one of Thailands most beautiful mountains come Friday. I want to really make sure the people Who have been there for me, Whether verbally or physically, through knowing or not even realising they were supporting me ... Those who made me laugh and those who are yet to meet me and make me laugh, smile, dance, be my positively crazy self that I do genuinely appreciate more than youll ever know, how youve helped me out And made me Realise the more positive and worthy aspects of life :) these being, those laughs , jokes and simple moments we spend together :) Some of you may not agree with this post, I know plenty of you have either scrolled half way and just clicked away from this (so dont know why Ive typed that part cause you probably havent even gotten this far), or maybe some of you are thinking attention seeking? Should I comment or like this? OH MY Goodness, seriously Caroline, how cheesy... Cant be arsed with another inspirational status all Ill say to you is .. Do I give a ****? Answer no . Laugh at this , mock it if you like, however if you do, just realise, youre laughing and mocking more people than just me. Feel good now? ;) This wasnt and isnt easy for me to type up at all, have read owe it a couple of times wondering of I really should stick it up or leave parts out. However Ive decided to shed some positive light on those people who are quietly struggling or need some encouragement :) youre not alone as they say. Life is short they say, if thats the case, make it short n sweet I say ;) Good morning, good afternoon and good night everyone :) :) x
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 09:38:19 +0000
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