Not sure if political satire or if true anymore since it follows in line with the rest of the stuff coming from Congress, such as: The “Personal Air Pollution Reduction Act,” currently being considered by the House Environment Committee, would replace clean air regulations with discounts on surplus military gas masks. “I think the House is going in the right direction with this,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX). “This bill addresses both the outrageous demand from the tree huggers that everyone have non-polluted air to breath, as well as the concern of some that we are spending too much on defense. We’ll be able to get rid of the extra gas masks that the Syrian rebels didn’t want, as well as put some money back in the government coffers.” The “Household Energy Modernization Act,” which would provide tax credits to homeowners willing to take on disposal of nuclear waste in their homes. Outgoing Congresswoman Michele Bachmann said, “A little radiation never hurt anybody. I like to expose myself to radiation once a week or so. And the warm glow from the nuclear waste is much better than those ‘pigtail’ light bulbs Obama wants everyone to buy.” The “Airline Regulation Enhancement Act,” proposed after the Asiana Airlines crash. “That crash was obviously caused by over-regulation,” said Georgia Congressman and pilot Paul Broun. “We’re proposing saving taxpayer dollars by requiring fewer aircraft inspections, as long as airlines replace the inspections with free $1 million life insurance policies for all passengers.” The “Old Age Security Act,” planned as a replacement for Social Security. “Social Security is going broke,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA). “We’ve had some great ideas proposed to replace it, but right now we’re leaning towards allowing seniors to opt out of receiving cash in favor of what we call ‘Senior Citizen Self-Sufficiency Kits.’” According to sources, those kits would include pencils and apples, as well as a Sharpie marker and a piece of cardboard for creating a sign, and coupons for discounts on the senior’s choice of Friskie’s or Nine Lives. The “Bringing Chinese Jobs To America Act.” This bill would repatriate jobs that have been outsourced over the years, giving companies tax breaks for bringing those jobs back into the U.S. It will also allow companies that choose to participate to require their workers to live in dormitories on the factory site, and pay them less than the minimum wage. Former GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney weighed in, saying “This is terrific. It’s about time America figured out how to do things like China! The workers will live where they work, so housing and housing costs won’t be an issue. I would advise companies to follow the Chinese lead and put up a razor wire fence on the property, because just like in China this will be so popular that they will need to do something to keep all the job seekers out.” (satire should be implied with these examples given).
Posted on: Tue, 20 Aug 2013 01:48:32 +0000
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