Okay so let me make sure Im understanding this...... You have been selfish, unethical, dishonest, rude, angry, manipulative, soulless person and Ive ruined the marriage? You checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Ive been hanging on for dear life for over 6 years. You pushed me out of your life over and over again, I havent been part of it in years. You invited everyone and everything else into your life before me. I begged, cried, pleaded, chased you.....and it has got me nowhere. I made the hardest decision of my life to be done. Not because I want anything else, but because I cant keep letting you destroy me. As I try to save you, I lose myself. It doesnt mean I dont love you or the family that we created. It means that I cant be a good person anymore and I havent been for a long time. Ive been an angry, bitter, unhappy woman. Ive let Laci miss out on family, friends, day to day activities that I shouldve made sure she did, because I was too preoccupied with you and your problems. But now because you are promising me that things will be different, you will work, you will help out, you will treat me like your wife and not a doormat - all things Ive heard before - You want me to just give in, yet again. If you really wanted to change, you would do it regardless of my decision. Win me back! Make me regret doubting you. Make me apologize to you for not believing in you......I would love it you proved me wrong. But I know that wont happen. And I cant do that to myself again. I cant be disappointed again. I have to stop letting what you do determine who I am. But even after explaining this to you......even after you seeing me in tears for the better part of 6 years.....even after you walk out on our family more times than I can count......even after I had to listen to you tell me over and over that you just arent in love anymore.....even after I had to deal with jails, lawyers, and police officers.......even after I had to soothe our daughter who was crying for her daddy......even after all of the skeletons in your closet keep smacking me in the face (btw, just because you did something wrong yesterday, yesterday is not the past, you know - the past that you say I cant get over)......even after I let what you were doing or not doing turn me into a lunatic......even after all that and more, Im wrong because I wont give you one more chance to stomp all over me again? You find it so easy to point out my sins.....a sin is a sin. It doesnt matter what it is. Its all lies and dishonest and hurtful and wrong.....So dont act like Im the devil who wont save her marriage. Im a woman who has finally realized what everyone has been telling me for years, it cant be saved. And this does not mean I dont believe in God or the Bible. But to be the best person I can be, I have to do this. I know God doesnt like how Ive let this situation make me become. So Im changing the situation. Ive done the best I can. I have put everything I have into this. I have prayed for my marriage to be better. Im not saying God let me down, but maybe this was how its supposed to be. If I died today, I wouldnt go to Heaven. I want to be in a position to say the opposite.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 23:40:43 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015