Phenomenology of Love The experience of love begins from the experience of loneliness. But loneliness ends when one finds or is found by another in what we will call a loving encounter. Love, a four-letter word that is not easy to define broadly. Yet let us try to define it through the following concepts. Reciprocity of Love As defined by my best friend, Webster Dictionary, reciprocity is a mutual granting of equal rights and benefits. If we would apply it to love, we can say that love is being mutual, love means to give-and-take. There is indeed an element of sacrifice in loving the other which is often understood by many as a loss of self. I also think of that before. But I learned that there’s no such thing as loss of self in love. To be able to love, one should be able to love him/herself first. One should make him/herself valuable as a gift of self to others. Creativity of Love When love is reciprocated, love becomes fruitful, love becomes creative. Loving the other, however, is willing the other’s free self-realization, and willing demands a “making” of the other. When a person is in love we can hear them saying some of these sweet lines: ‘I feel like heaven when I am with you’, You brighten up my day’ and ‘You made me feel complete’. Perhaps some of us may even have delivered these lines before. We usually feel special when our love is reciprocated. In fact, in every encounter, there is making of each other. The example given was, the teacher makes the student a student, and the student makes the teacher the teacher. In loving encounter, we also make each other be. It is because we accept and respect the reality of the other as other. If you’re not still convinced by the creativity of love, then trying looking at painting, or listen to music like Enchanted by Taylor Swift or Adam Young, or look at the amazing TajMahal of India. All of them were created because of love. In fact when I’m in love, I unbelievably can do poems, art works and stuffs I don’t usually do. I always feel inspired to do anything in the name of love. How about you? :) Union of Love The ‘we’ that is created in love is the union of persons and their worlds. But it does not necessarily mean that the two persons are no longer distinguishable, that there is the loss of identities. Conversely, the union of love makes each of the people to be who they are by loving each other. This is the paradox in love, the many in one, one in many. The Gift of Self As define in Manuel Dy’s Phenomenology of Love, A gift is causing another to possess something which hitherto you possess yourself but which the other has no strict right to own. Most of us (including me) often think that giving will not always be ample without getting something in return. Because of this I realized that I neglect the very essence of giving which is, I give not in order to get something in return. And if we paid for gift that is given, it is simply selling or exchanging something that also requires something in return. The Phenomenology of Love suggests that authentic love is the gift of self that does not expect something in return. Honestly, I always thought before that I should love the person who will love me back. And because of that I don’t fully express my love without the certainty that my love will be repaid. That is, I think, the most common misconception of love that everybody (again, including me) has ever committed. But at least now, I am enlightened and I hope that you, my lovely reader, will be open-minded. Love is Historical To love is to love the other historically. To love the other as other, as an individual unique being, I have to use places, times, singular events. Love is historical can be connected in the concreteness of it. It happens in any time and may stay longer within the space and time. It cannot be easily erased in the mind and heart of people. Even if it happens ago, we still remember. Thus love is historical. Equality in Love Love is not a bondage but a liberation. To simplify this concept, in love there must be no superior or inferior. Freedom must be practiced within love. Some of this freedom is to be your own self, and express the mutual love you shared with your love one. This kind of love is demonstrated within friends. “The great thing in friendship is being equal to an inferior.” We accept and respect each other’s differences including their strengths and weaknesses. And also, you may also have heard of Prince William and Kate Middleton love story. A royal prince and a commoner, they are the living proof of the equality in love. Love is Total, Eternal and Sacred I already made a blog post regarding love is total and eternal here. It was our (me and my group mates) prior understanding about love as eternal and total. Love as a gift of self to the other as self cannot be but total. When we express authentic love we don’t say that ‘I will only love you when you do me a favor’. Instead we express authentic love without limit and without periphery. Love is total. It is offered from the totality of my being to the totality of other’s being. Also we cannot say to our love ones that ‘I will love you just until this month’. Love is eternal. It does not bound to be limited on specific time. Love implies immortality.In love we catch a glimpse of eternity. It’s just too bad that nowadays this kind of love is hard to find and seems not to exist. Oh except for a mother’s love. It is really eternal. Love is sacred. Love is sealed with trust, intimacy and even sharing of secrets. And these were not meant for public consumption. It is exclusive for the two individuals involved. So it’s not really a good thing to do the PDA’s (Public Display of Affection). Hahaha. And that would be all! Love defined by a single person like me. Of course, I’m guided with my reliable sources, Phenomenology of Love by Manuel Dy and my own experiences. :) P.S. Love is to be practiced rather than talked about. What can love do to one’s life? The answer is better left to be experienced rather than enumerated.
Posted on: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 04:34:00 +0000
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