Poignant article from a Laestadian... Summer Services for those who have been locked outside Do I have the strength to go to the Summer Services this summer? This question seems to be in the minds of many laestadians who feel differentness in their identity and thoughts. For me, this sort of self-questioning began in the summer of 2010. That year there was particular discord in Turku ry, because of my positive stance (as a speaker) on women priesthood. In the end I was removed from my speaking duties, slightly before my wife was ordained as a priest (in the state church). Before me, and after me as well, the movement has shelved or removed those speakers from speaking duties who support women priesthood. Also those, who openly critique spiritual violence in the movement. I cant say I miss this tremulous duty or those exhausting discussions. Rather, I ponder today, whether it pays to go to services despite my painful experiences. Should I bother, when I will likely hear spiritually belittling sermons from the loudspeakers, sermons that lock me on the outside. Two years ago these sermons started, already, on our way to the summer services. We were listening the service radio, which proclaimed that those who support women priesthood have chosen the wrong path. My oldest, then a 10-year old, heard it, reached out and touched my shoulder. Is this man speaking about our path, he asked. Inwardly I was crying, but with stoic face I explained, and said you dont need to worry yourself over that. Perhaps it is too categorical or demanding of me, but it has been hard to not only to withstand the harsh judging, but also to handle those friends, who on one hand quietly support me, but also support the power structure that bullies and segregates. Certainly these friends need to listen to their own limits, however. Everyone has their own paths to walk through, I understand that. Through discussions I have sensed fear, its power over people, and the heavy load of insecurity on the shoulders of those, who are bundled up with questions. But should we pay attention, anyway, to what Christians teach, and what they think of spiritual bullying? Doesnt speech that belittles or bullies and its silent acceptance, build a culture where spiritual violence can thrive? Sometimes, though less now, I return in my mind to those discussions with laestadians, to that atmosphere, and ask myself whether I should have been more firm. Should I have said that spiritual violence and its silent acceptance is a result of fear and sin. Should I have began a defensive motion, and really tell everything that happened? In my darkest moments, I wanted to go public with the memos from these meetings about me. I should have been more candid, but thank God, I left my fatigued defensive motions undone. I probably would have not had the strength to go through them, like someone else would have. I thank my friends, and peers at church for their patient support. I am alive, still, but often think with great sadness of those, who are alone and fearful (because of spiritual violence). I wont forget those who stood by my side, when life on earth felt very lonely. By doing so, you taught me what it is to be Christ to your neighbor. With your support, I was able to maintain my ability to work. Healing my soul, however, has taken years. Now, thankfully, I can again see things that I use to see. I smell summer scents in the nature. I am able to sing songs, sometimes even songs of Zion. I notice people who smile around me. And I am able to have faith in humanity and God. Because of this I am able to go, with quietened mind, once again, in the heart of my summery, spiritual heritage. To the summer services. It is freeing to go, just as I am, to meet friends and relatives, to speak in my spiritual language and to sing songs about grace that belongs to the sinners. I get less and less provoked, when I am not greeted by some, from their sideways glances and unkind words, although they do feel painful. One must tirelessly stand against wrong in this world, but in the end I am comforted in the knowledge that Christ, himself, breaks down inside everyone who is neglected and prays: Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do. I hope someone will give a special sermon in these services to those, who have been cast out, are homeless and lonely in their pathway. That they would speak kindly, mercifully about the Savior, who sits next to the bullied and nullified one, who is a friend to the battered soul, and says: I came here because of you. For you. Risto Leppanen Priest, Post-doctorate in Theology, Senior assistant to the Archbishop This is a translation of an article posted in Finnish at ts.fi/mielipiteet/lukijoilta/645877/Ulossuljettujen+suviseurat
Posted on: Mon, 30 Jun 2014 01:29:27 +0000
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