Posted and deleted some of the last stages of our Savannah vacation as I feared I might be veering from FB protocol (posting vacation details whilst actually back in Cole County surrounded by mounds of laundry and half empty suitcases). BUT, realized I (emphasis on “I”) need closure. I NEED the contradictory anonymity/community support FB provides. That being said, here is the “ugly” of our adventure. Might I suggest to those of you polite enough to hit “more”, that you first be seated comfortably and to fix yourself a beverage-this is truly going to be a “session.” Also, remember please that this “episode” was preceded by 3 hour jaunt to Hilton Head (4 hour, once trip to Walmart was figured in), 2 ½ hours attempting to exit South Carolina, and then 1 hour storm delay at McDonalds. Missourians were still amiable at this point however, and happy to settle on Knoxville instead of Nashville for good night’s sleep before completion of trek home. Next two hours were stunning! The mountain vistas with the sun retreating in the background were totally puzzle-worthy. Traffic was annoyingly faster paced than what I felt the terrain warranted, but it was still daylight, so the beauty trumped the danger and I could see. Then the sun went down… H o l y Shit. If anyone has ever ridden the older roller coaster at 6-Flags, River King Mine Train, take that image and add 3 more lanes/tracks, turn the lights out and know that a mechanical engineer is no longer responsible for you surviving the experience. I tried to stay in the slow, truck lane, but unfortunately, the “slow” trucks wanted to also exceed the speed limit. I ventured to the center lane and whimpered each time another rushing vehicle flooded my rear-view with blinding light. I was going 55 mind you and the speed limit was 50! I could not find the level (there are eleven) on my brand-spanking new progressive lenses that would allow me to clearly see the dark spiraling highways of Tennessee (Hell, we might have still been in North Carolina). I enlisted the deep breathing techniques that had worked so well during the 11th hour of my James Luther labor (snort), and I had Adrienne saturating the interior with essential oils. BUT… just when my blood pressure almost leveled out, we saw one, of what would be many, large yellow signs: ACCIDENT INVESTIGATION SITE AHEAD. Did I mention that there was fog? (Jesus, I am breathing erratically again just recollecting the experience). I am ashamed to admit I was simultaneously praying and cussing. Thank you, God for ignoring the cussing, because we, obviously emerged from the mountains. Do you need to top off your beverage or use the bathroom because I not stopping until I am HEALED. So then…Highway was only slightly curvy/hilly now, NOT mountainous, but preferred speed from majority of vehicles, including BIG TRUCKS was 75. Seemed like good time to exit for fill up and oil check (per Boomhauer’s instructions back at Tybee). Hmmm…couldn’t find level on progressive lenses for assessing oil situation-added oil just to be sure. Back on highway with teenager on phone securing hotel. Traffic for some reason became much, much heavier and FASTER. SIRI mentioned that I needed to do something in a moment to maintain my course. I hear Adrienne, “Mom, what is your email?” Adrienne, “Yes that is S as in Sam” , “U as in umbrella”, “Z as in Zebra” You get the picture, but 5 minutes later… Adrienne, “sure, that’s okay, I understand, S as in Sam…” HONEY, DID SIRI JUST SAY I NEEDED TO GO LEFT IN 500 FEET?! “Z as in Zebra” HONK!!!! I made necessary lane change. Adrienne finished spelling my name again, then, “Mom, I need your debit card” I threw her my purse and she riffled through, “Just a moment…” I shouted, “Please just tell her we will take care of this when we arrive!” Adrienne tossed contents of my purse into floor board-no debit. She then turned on dome light! I growled, “I cannot SEE, TELL HER WE WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS WHEN WE GET THERE.” Adrienne tried to explain to hotel clerk. I saw open path to shoulder and pulled over. I tried breathing exercise again, when I heard…”S as in Sam…” I’m not going to repeat what I said/screamed, but Adrienne finished the phone call, “My mom is very stressed so we are probably going to get a hotel that is closer, Thank you so much for your help.” I flipped off the dome light and looked for a space to pull back onto highway. All three lanes were solid car lights for as far as I could see. The Toyota is a 4-cylinder. I knew right then even after surviving the mountain highway, we were going to die. I started crying, soft at first, then sobbing. Adrienne put her hand on my shoulder, “Mom?” “I’m sorry, honey, but we are going to die” “Mom?” “LOOK! THE TRAFFIC GOES ON F O R E V E R!” After a few minutes I began to regain my composure. In a voice that I’m sure in the future she will use again to offer me the last spoonful of my tapioca pudding, Adrienne said, “If you turn your hazard lights on, traffic will have to move over.” I started crying again, “HAZARD LIGHTS WILL ATTRACT PSYCHOPATHS!!!” She dropped her hand from her insane mother’s shoulder and patiently waited out the second crying spell. My breathing did eventually even out and death no longer seemed imminent. What? Did I actually see a stretch of unoccupied highway long enough for compact to reach 80 mph? I leaned over and gratefully hugged my daughter before leisurely edging back onto highway. SIRI said ETA Knoxville 11:45. “Mom?” “Yes?” “Is that smoke coming out of our car?” “Of course it is Honey.”
Posted on: Tue, 30 Jul 2013 18:12:50 +0000
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