Preparations are well underway for this years episode of Four Go Caravanning in Cornwall. This morning, to get in the holiday mood, I recreated the Caravan Site Shower Block experience in the comfort of my own home. First I turned the water pressure right down to little more than a discernible dribble. Then I set the temperature to Molten Steel mode before stepping underneath the drip. I allowed myself approximately 15 seconds of pain (just enough time to apply shampoo) before switching the shower off completely. All the while I was playing a soundtrack that I had reproduced which featured someone singing out of tune and a child screaming while a very irate father shouted Well if you bloody well stood still it wouldnt have gone in your bloody eye in the first place! I dont know why your bloody mother couldnt take you in with her, the lazy cow, and I bet shes still in bloody bed when we get back so muggings will be doing breakfast again! I dont know why we had to buy a bloody tent anyway, why cant we go abroad like normal people? Then, without warning I turned the water back on but this time at Inuit Winter mode so it came through the showerhead as lumps of ice. After just enough time to rinse most of my hair I switched the water off again and stood shivering trying to decide whether to give up or wait another 5 minutes just incase. The soundtrack continued, this time of screaming teenagers and I took the opportunity to make the scene even more realistic by squirting shaving foam all over the walls and spraying several cans of cheap overpowering deodorant all over the bathroom. When I could no longer breathe I decided to call it a day so exited the shower which, due to the fixed showerhead, had left me with a combination of shampoo and soap remaining in those hard to reach places. I then dried myself with a holiday towel. For those unfamiliar with the term a holiday towel is a brightly coloured piece of cloth marginally thicker than toilet paper, less absorbent yet rougher than Izal (Google it kids) and usually sporting a legend proclaiming the user to be a fantastic surfer or a hot babe. Rarely are either statement true! Holiday towels are not suitable for use after a shower at home but, surprisingly, are ideal for use while on holiday while normal towels that one would use at home become useless once taken past your front gate. Im still looking for a scientific explanation of this phenomenon. The combination of drying soap and unabsorbent toweling then left me spending the remainder of the day itching my arse crack every couple of minutes as a rather red and very painful rash appeared. Oh yes, next Saturdays adventure to Cornwall cant come quickly enough!
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 21:21:43 +0000
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