RECUPERATING MY SOUL WAS NOT EASY, IT WAS A CONSTANT BATTLE, WORK WAS VERY IMPORTANT. TO ACCEPT AND BELIEVE THAT THERE WERE PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT LOVED ME AND BELIEVED IN ME WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST STRENGTHS IN MY FIGHT I began to work at Christian´s house, with birds. Christian is a zoologist who at times has unexpected reactions, but also has a very kind heart, an extraordinary knowledge of nature, and is a wonderful artist with a unique gift for painting animals. This job was the best job I could have gotten at the time. I didn´t have to deal with people, which was a relief. I was working in a beautiful place, near nature, which was truly a blessing, because at that time I only felt good in open spaces. Christian had extraordinary patience, repeating time and time again what I wouldn´t understand. Whenever he noticed that I wasn´t sure of what I was doing, instead of calling my attention in an aggressive way, he pretended that he was teaching me for the first time. And that was really good because at that time I couldn´t still concentrate very well and the fact that he didn´t refer to what I was doing as wrong, gave me security and tranquillity. In other words, he didn´t make me feel more nervous and confused than I was already feeling. Christian opened my heart to an inside serenity, in the job as well as in the way he was treating me. (pg. 137) … At that time I began, as well as working for Christian, to work in a primary school. This job was very important in the recuperation of the capability of dealing with strangers. I began to work there thanks to the extraordinary help of lady who was the director of the school that my son attended. I had bid farewell to her before going to Ireland (to supposedly learn how to heal), and a few days after I had come back she saw me. She said that she was very happy to see me again and that she was sure that, even thought she could see that I was not feeling well, some of the difficult and sinuous things that happened in our lives were always, in the end, for our own good and made us stronger. After a few months she asked me if I was willing to work with a little girl that was in my son´s classroom and who needed special help. I accepted immediately, not only for the trust the lady was giving me, but also for the opportunity of being nearer my son, easing the anxiety I felt for the lack of attention that I had given him for so long. I began to feel through that job a lot more confidence in myself, and through this lady, trust in my relationship with other people, such as teachers and parents. (pg. 151) *** I began to interiorize God in the reality of my life, more and more, through someone whom I became very good friends with, Fátima, who has a child one year older than my son. She would ask a lot of questions about what I had been through and spoke to me of her mother, a lady who had always had a very strong faith in Jesus….(pg. 146)… The constant questions that Fátima asked me, would force me to talk. In talking, more and more I would notice things. (pg. 147) *** … “Stand strong in the open plains.” What is a plain? It´s a complete vastness in which the horizon doesn´t change. And that´s what I was seeing, everything unaltered, in front of me, continuous, without hope, something without anything different. Through that I had to stand strong. And I´m not going to say that it was easy, because it was a lot, a lot, and very difficult. Truly very difficult and long, just as open plains in front of me. “Throw your hands to the open Heaven.” Heaven did exist, and it was open. And in throwing my hands to it, when I called for Jesus, it had sheltered me. Heaven, as a word opposed to Hell. I remembered then the hand stretched tightly, with desperation, emerging out of the confusion, in that image I had seen in the meditation. Jesus had seen that same hand, desperately outstretched, with fingers separated by the strength and anguish, and He had taken it, pulling it upwards, out of the confusion. (pg. 155) *** … Through all the people whom I was sharing my life with, little by little messages from God inundated my being and were making me see things each time more clearly. Like in the last meditation I had had, all that God represented, and that was good for my soul, was felt through the friendship and kindness that people were offering me. The confusion and the anguish were dissolving slowly but in a continuous and firm manner. In that way, my life was becoming each time more clear. (pg. 165)
Posted on: Mon, 12 Aug 2013 21:02:55 +0000