Recently I acquired a new friend. Like all friends each one is uniquely placed into your life for a purpose unbeknownst to you. They either need you or you them But often times... its that you both need each other. You never know how the script will play out or how much time you will have on the same path. Which has always been scary to me. I have obtained so much loss in my life that I tend to over think... worry... fret. And Im often called chicken little by my husband. As much as I hate him calling me that, its a reminder that all is well and Im over thinking and allowing my fear to enslave who I am. I cant live in the confines of fences or bars.. chains or restrictions. I become a wild animal dying from the lack of fresh open air and freedom. Fear often causes me to draw within myself... choking me... suffocating my words ... my mind spins and my true self becomes mute. Hidden between walls of the worlds hatred for whats different or odd. My friend is Much like me in the areas of my life that no one fits. Something thats been very much missing in my life and thought I would never find. Something thats said very often to me is... one day at a time I ponder all over those words this morning. Ive never been good at One day at a time. Why.... because of Fear. Fear of the unknown. Being the chicken little that I am ... I want to run. Take all that I have and run. Thats what chicken littles do...lol. However I cant. My friend is right. One day at a time.... that is to allow myself to live without the chains of Fear. Very little people understand what this month does to me. My senses, emotions and my all out crazy tends to take hold of me. Strange thing is... I dont feel it So much. Right as it comes to the center of my mind... one sentence forces it back into the place it dwells. One day at a time chicken little... one day at a time. This year is a year of true eye opening growth. I can either run from it... or I can embrace it with both hands. I dont know what I will do honestly. I can say that I wont run... but often times I do. I can say I have found more strength as I feed off the mind of someone like me... someone Im not afraid of judgement or a good old fashion witch burning. Because their mind is like mine... I can live free in there and learn from. Its been 21 years since Ive been able to do that. However I know freedom comes with a high cost. But I wont think of that today. So... as my thoughts spin down I come to one conclusion. I was ment to be where I am right now. Ment to be in the arms of acceptance. Ment to walk this road with shattered glass under my feet... ment to take each step with one day at a time playing in my mind like a broken record. I mingle in the experience of today.... because. ... I cant get to the freedom of tomorrow without it. Chicken Little. .. over and out.
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 14:25:00 +0000
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