Robin Williams is dead. That was the news that shocked everybody tonight. But, why? How could a man who provided so much joy and laughter to others be in so much despair and darkness? One word says it all: Depression. It’s a mental illness that few who don’t struggle with it can understand. It’s a prolonged sadness that leaves you in a state of helplessness and hopelessness. The worst part about it is that you can’t just snap out of it. You can’t just be happy. When I was about 16 years old and a high school junior, I started to notice mood swings that I was having where I would go from feeling fine and enjoying being around others to driving home from school and crying uncontrollably. But I never understood why. Things got worse my senior year. Instead of going out and enjoying life like most kids my age were doing, I was going home from school, getting in my bed and crying. I didn’t think much of it and thought it was just a stage that I was going through. Then I went off to college and things only got worse. This was when I discovered that I had an anxiety problem. I first thought it had something to do with the dining hall food. I was waking up and throwing up every single day. I couldn’t sleep and I definitely couldn’t eat. My life was hell. I was constantly crying and my parents thought it was just the usual case of homesickness. But it was like my brain was hurting and there was nothing I could do about it. I persevered and made it through the year with a 3.0 GPA. Then came my sophomore year. About 3 weeks into the fall semester I started having the same problems. I was getting sick about every other week and staying sick for long periods of time. My moods dropped to scary low points at times. I remember a car ride over Thanksgiving Break in 2012 where I cried for an hour straight for no reason at all. I just couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried. My mom started crying with me because she didn’t know how to help. My mental health at the time had reached a very fragile point. I finished out the semester somehow while my parents were worried to death from afar about my health and safety. Then over Christmas Break we finally went to a doctor. I sat in the doctor’s office and said to him, “Everything just looks dark.” He didn’t know what to say because he didn’t know what was going on. I went back for the spring semester almost in a daze. I was feeling really low. I sat in a class one Thursday and everything seemed sad. I remember looking at my professor smile and tell a joke, but not being able to smile myself. A friend said that I looked, “unusually sad”. The next day I left JMU. I went to seek professional help. I went back to the same doctor and I remember him saying, “Well it’s depression, it’s just the awkwardness of saying it.” I started seeing a psychotherapist and they put me on medicine that helped to some degree. I got better over time and started enjoying the simple things in life that made me happy. I went back to college my junior year and had a relatively good year and I have continued to live a happier and healthier life. Today’s news really hits me hard to see such a successful and comical man end his life. I think what I learned through my personal struggle was that it’s ok to seek help when you need it. Never think that you are too high and mighty to get help and don’t worry about what others are going to say. It’s your life so live it to the fullest and enjoy the simple things while they last. Have some fun, jump out on a couple ledges, and do what it takes to find your unique self. I’ve said it once before, but I’ll say it again. I believe in the last year, I’ve really found myself and now I’m just waiting for the world to find me. Yours truly, David Halstead
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 04:30:25 +0000