SHOCK AS ATHLUNKARDS SEASON IS THROWN INTO CHAOS AS STAR PLAYERS LEAVE TO START UP BOYBAND: A month of crazy headlines continues tonight with the news that five Athlunkard Villa team members have quit football in a bid to crack the charts. Our sources can confirm that Keith Jackson, Raymond Kerley, Conor Lawlor, Mike Curran and David Fitzgerald have followed the dollar signs and started a boyband, going under the name, One Erection. On the eve of the big kick off, the Athlunkard fans will be a worried bunch so we caught up with the soon-to-be pop idols to find out what prompted the switch in careers. Band manager and brains behind the operation, Ray Kerley stated, Well, we got the lot, talent, looks, moves, the works... the music world deserves us. Weve just landed our first major break and we cant wait to woo the crowd and show them what we got. Kerley was referring to the news that One Erection will play their first ever gig at his Auntie Bridies 60th in the Greenhills where they will have a 10 minute support slot to a Neil Diamond Tribute act, glamorous times indeed. Insiders have told us that Curran is the rap genius of the band who like to bust a tune, he dazzled us with some of his bombs, I live on Lee Estate.. I have to go home at 8... coz my daddy cooks my tea.... they call him Jackieee. Currans talent clearly wasted on a soccer pitch, went on to insist that we address him as M Cizzle in future. Cizzle gave us an insight on what its like to live the life of a pop star, I be in da club wiv my playas D Fizzle and K Jizzle, we be droppin dem beatz.. Fascinating stuff. Every boyband needs some serious eye candy and heart-throb Conor Lawlor certainly fits the bill, Lawlor once booked for arguing with a referee for demanding a moisturiser break during a soccer match defended his actions, It was a clammy 20 degrees, some players demand water breaks but they dont have baby soft sallow skin like me. It can be difficult to understand what Lawlor is saying at times as he seems to have taught himself to speak through his nose in order to avoid getting any wrinkles around the mouth area, he even refuses to mime the songs. Clearly bursting with talent, we spoke to the bands two main songwriters, D Fizzle and K Jizzle to find out where they get their inspiration from, We normally start off with jager bombs then head dicon, thats where we were inspired to write most of our classics like, Birdz and Watchin birdz also Shiftin birdz, not forgetting watchin birdz shiftin other birdz and the soon to be classic When Im not watchin birdz shiftin other birdz Im thinkin about watchin birdz shiftin other birdz and stuff like that. With a hit list like that the boys are sure to go a long way. As with everything though, there has to be an upside and a downside, musics gain is very much Athlunkard Villas loss and manager Roy O Connell, known for using phrases that make no sense, hit back by saying, Dont mind them steamers, between them they couldnt kick a dead badger against a hookers arse. A clearly upset OConnell still hasnt come to terms with the news. All concerned will be hoping thats the end of the shocking revelations that have rocked the Villa camp lately, if youre lucky enough to see the five lads out and about in town just remember... Theres only One Erection................. Cmon the Villa!!!
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 19:48:15 +0000
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