Sacrifice:: In many respects, this is the most important question you need to ask yourself. Research shows that people engage in sacrifice for many different reasons, and not all of them lead to happily ever after. Are you moving cross-country to make your partner happy and keep your relationship going—or are you simply trying to avoid conflict? Sacrifices motivated by avoidance can undermine happiness and satisfaction in a relationship. If you sacrifice to avoid conflict, you might think, Well, I might feel bad, but at least we won’t fight and our relationship won’t suffer. It turns out that is not the case. There is an alternative: When you sacrifice to make your partner happy, that can potentially increase trust and happiness. People who sacrifice for “approach-motivated” reasons—for long-term collective gain as a couple or to help fulfill your partner’s dreams—tend to be happier and have more satisfying relationships. Although sacrificing to make a partner happy can be a good thing, it may be trouble if you find yourself constantly sacrificing out of a desire to be the “good” partner and satisfy your partner at the cost of your own happiness. People who consistently prioritize other’s needs above their own—a situation known as “unmitigated communion”—can pay a cost in self-esteem and mental health over the long run. Sacrifice is a hallmark of a close relationship, but it should not lead to neglecting your own needs. Along similar lines, you should ask yourself whether your sacrifice was motivated by a desire to help your partner—or to hold the sacrifice over your partner’s head. In addition, although there is nothing wrong with negotiating with your partner, choosing to make a sacrifice and then silently expecting your partner to take the fall the next time may mean disappointment for both of you. In close relationships, people typically hold mutual expectations—they believe their partner will help them when they need it and sacrifice without expecting to be paid back in kind. So your partner may be disheartened to learn that you sacrificed only to ensure that he would have to sacrifice for you—perhaps because it makes your romantic relationship feel like a series of economic transactions. Relationships require sacrifice, but we shouldn’t give up or give in without thinking it through. It is important to consider the pros and cons, have clear communication with your partner, ask the tough questions, and make sure you are sacrificing for the right reasons. The right kind of sacrifice can bring people together, but sacrificing for the wrong reasons may be worse than no sacrifice at all. #LA
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 08:03:33 +0000
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