Scene: A candlelit cocktail lounge in the big city. Its 8:30 on a Saturday night. Mid-January. This night is a lot like any other night, a mixed throng of couples and singles wetting their whistles with microbrews.... and theres ONE guy drinking a Mojito... He speaks with a thick accent straight from a Sopranos episode. He approaches me. MOJITO: Hi, there. (leaning in) ME: Hi. (backing away) MOJITO: This is a great atmosphere! ME: It is... not too loud like a lot of other places. MOJITO: Right! At those other places, people scream but nobody can hear them. ME: (pauses) What?!? MOJITO: At those other places, you have to scream to have a conversation. A place like this, you can just... talk ME: Uhhh-huh. Thats uhh... cool accent. New York? MOJITO: (half-laughs) Nope, Jersey, actually. ME: Oh sure... uh..(chuckles).. murder capital of the Northeast. MOJITO: I hate that! You know, ever since I came here a month ago for a job, everybody thinks Im a F*** gangster!! You think that people in the mid-west would be more open-minded! ME: (trying not to laugh) Im sorry, I just thought your accent was unique. I bet you are getting really tired of how WE talk... like straight out of.. MOJITO: (mockingly) Murder capital of the NORTHEAST! Youve gotta be kidding me!! Seriously?!?! You know who I heard about growing up?? Do you? DO YOU??? ME: (shaking head nervously) I dont really want to know anymore.. (I start to get up from my seat but he touches my arm) MOJITO: Growing up, I heard ALLLLLL about Jeffery Dahmer and Ed Gein. ME: Really? (confused) GROWING UP you heard about them? MOJITO: Yeah, arent they from Wisconsin?? ME: (thinks a moment, but afraid to answer) Yes. sure. Uh-huh. Yep. Youre absolutely right. They WERE from Wisconsin. MOJITO: And wasnt Ed Gein, The Butcher of Plainfield the inspiration for the serial killer from Silence of the Lambs? ME: I think you know WAAAY too much about serial killers for us to continue this... MOJITO: Im a crime writer... I HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS! How else would I get inspiration? ME: Im beginning to feel like this night is the opening chapter of one of your stories... MOJITO: (scoffs) All you women are the same... cant handle a man who lives to work instead of working to live. ME: I WANT to LIVE... which is why (gets up) Im leaving before I find myself, tied up in the back of your trunk. MOJITO: (yells after me) I DRIVE A PRIUS ! IT HAS... A HATCHBACK !
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 02:58:08 +0000
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