She opened the door enough to imply a welcome, but not enough to actually invite me in. “My, my,” she purred. Her eyes roamed like I was a map of downtown and she was planning an evening on the town. “Mrs. Chonga Chill Lilly?” “You can call me Chonga, Mr...?” “Spade. Sam Spade. I’m a private investigator but today YPD asked me to fill in as recent budget cuts have left them short handed.” Zynga had pulled nearly all the support for Yoville Police Department, and lieutenant Noah Scuze asked me to investigate a missing person case in exchange for a case of Old Noob Kentucky Bourbon and three boxes of Itsaboy cigars he had in the evidence locker. She opened the door wide, inviting me in. She was in her 30s, the kind of dame who was old enough to have all the right curves in all the right places, a dame who hadn’t yet lost any skirmishes against gravity. “Please make yourself comfortable, Mr. Spade. May I take your hat? Your jacket? Would you like to loosen your tie?” I handed her my hat, which she set on sideboard filled with porcelain bobbleheads from every theme since ’08. “Thank you Mz. Lilly, I’m fine.” “Oh please! Do call me Chonga.” “Sure... Chonga.” “Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?” “No thank you. Actually Mz... Er, I mean Chonga, I have some questions regarding your husband.” “He isn’t here at the moment. Would you like a Yoyo Cola?” “No thank you. Do you know where your husband is?” “Oh I’m a frayed knot.” “Ma’am?” “Old joke. Would you like a glass of lemonade?” “No thank you, I’m fine. When did you last see your husband?” “About a week ago. He went out for something. He does that sometimes. Once he went out for a hamburger and ended up in New Zealand. He’s the adventurous sort. He went out to get some frozen waffles but didn’t come back. Would you like some waffles?” “No, thank you. I don’t eat breakfast. Can you tell which day that was?” “It was Thursday. Or Friday. It could have been Saturday, I’m just not sure. I could fix you some eggs. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know.” “So I’ve been told. The neighbors claim they heard some shouting coming from here last Friday night.” “Really! Some people! One would think people could mind their own business instead of snooping around in our bushes, listening in on private conversations.” “The neighbors I am referring to are across the street, and two doors down. They said they had to turn up the music to drown out the shouting.” “OH! I know what that was about! Horace and I we just playing a silly little game in the bedroom, of the romantic sort, you understand.” “The neighbors say that they could see the blinds in the living room shaken violently, as if there was a struggle.” “Well, we do get a little adventurous in our play... but it is all in good fun and quite endearing. Would you like a ham sandwich?” “No thank you. It was reported your husband could be heard calling you a cow.” “Yes, Mr. Spade. We find farm animal pet names cute. Would you like some meat loaf?” “No thank you. I notice a shovel in the corner of the room here. Most people keep their gardening tools in the shed.” “Most people don’t know how to thoroughly remove cobwebs. Would you like a glass of bourbon?” “Yes. A double please.” She poured me a drink and one for herself. “I noticed a new slab of concrete beside the garage. Have you begun a new project?” “A bird bath. It’s didn’t come out the way I hoped, so I just smoothed it flat.” “I see...” The dame had an answer for everything. Dames are like that. I figured I’d have to find my own answers. I poured the bourbon down and stood up. “Well, Mz... er, Chonga, I think that all makes sense, of a sort. May I come back if I have any further questions?” “Of course!” She stood up, standing at a slight angle to better strike a better pose. “Perhaps tonight? I am planning a quiet candlelight dinner of spaghetti and a nice bottle of wine and though I always set the table for two, in case Horace returns, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if I was just sitting here all by myself.” “Yes, well, thank you. I already have dinner plans. Perhaps another time.”
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 17:10:13 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015