Shooting Stars Sitting quietly in her ancient Chevy Citation, she crammed her hand between the door and the driver’s seat in search of the concealed plastic lever. Yanking it up, her head bounced off the headrest as her seat jutted backward. She heaved a sigh of relief as she liberated herself from the tight space between the steering wheel and the seat. She skillfully unbuttoned the top button of her size 56 jeans, causing her stomach to gush out and spill out over the top of her pants. She heaved a heavy sigh as she tore the wrapper off of the last burrito in the bag and shoved it voraciously into her mouth. She chomped and chewed ravenously, even though she was not really hungry anymore. An unexpected burp shot out of her mouth as the last bite made its way down to the pit of her stomach. She laid her head back and closed her eyes, struggling to breath. She crushed the last wrapper into a ball and tossed it behind the passenger seat. It dropped to the heavily littered floor below where it joined the extensive collection of wrappers and food containers from every fast food joint within in a ten mile radius of her home. As she sat, quite uncomfortably, waiting for the cheap, imitation Mexican feast to digest and afford her some relief, she tried to remember when this obsession with food had hijacked her life and seized her soul. She could not pinpoint an exact day or find a single person or reason to which she could place the blame. In the beginning, it had progressed at a leisurely pace. Her mind had played a pretty big part in the capture and eventual takeover. It first convinced her that it was ok to use food to return sanity and control to an overly stressful situation; then of course, nothing eases the pain of a bad break-up like a gallon of Rocky Road chocolate ice cream smothered in hot fudge and whipped cream. In reality, she supposed that her split from the only man she’d ever loved and their eventual divorce had thrust everything into high gear. She could not blame him for leaving though…not really. He hadn’t bargained for the creature she had become…and neither had she. He had been supportive and patient with her as she bounced from one diet plan to the next. He paid for the countless gym memberships that had gone ignored and unused after the first exhausting week. She’d become an expert at concocting excuses. Eventually he stopped arguing; bargaining and then he just stopped caring. They grew apart as their relationship fell apart, and then one day he was gone. Crushed and brokenhearted she became a miserable recluse; a prisoner in her own home. Feeling lost and alone, she took comfort where she could find it and she found solace in food. She slept all day and did her foraging after dark, usually when the rest of the world was tucked into bed, all warm and cozy with the one they loved. She would pull on her slippers and a hoodie and slip out into the night like a vampire in search of her prey. In all actuality, there was not much searching involved. It was more like choosing your quarry. Midnight drive-through windows became her porthole to the world. She knew the grave shift workers at every fast food place in town, and they knew her. Quite often, two or even three stops were in order. If she could not decide between finger-lickin’ chicken and two all-beef patties smothered in special sauce, she would solve the perplexing dilemma thru buying both, making sure to get a bit extra to enjoy on the ride home. She would have her first course out of the bag and unwrapped, on the passenger seat even before she pulled out of the driveway and finish the first bag of deep-fried delights before she pulled into her own, Tonight, sitting alone in her car in the twilight hours of the evening, she looked up at the stars and wondered what would become of her? What dismal fate had been predetermined for her future? Was it too late to chart another course and change the direction of her life? She stared off into the heavens, reflecting, contemplating and deliberating, when it happened. A sudden burst of light flashed swiftly across the darkened sky. It scared her at first, forcing a gasp through her lips along with a sudden jolt of adrenaline to her heart. She quickly realized that it was a shooting star…but not just any star….her star. In her heart, she knew it was a sign…it was a symbol of hope. She closed her eyes and made a wish like she had never done before. She took it upon herself to be a bit greedy, just this once and asked the powers above for not just one wish, but three. She prayed first, for the courage to begin this crucial journey toward health and happiness. She then wished for the strength to push through the very difficult days ahead and finally, she hoped to find the patience to allow herself all of the time necessary to reach her goals. She took a deep breath, looked at herself in the rearview mirror and for the first time, in a very long time she saw hope and for the first time in what seemed like forever she saw a smile. Alana Marie pickastrugglecupcake/MyBlog/
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:52:14 +0000
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