Since my son has become mobile I have become convinced of one thing; grappling was invented from watching toddlers. Here’s my evidence in three parts. Part one: All baby flailing aside one thing became evident as soon as those motions came under some level of control, diaper changing is not a favorite activity. A combination of picking poking and prying at sensitive parts along with the too cool to be refreshing interaction of the changing pad makes this one of the little man’s least favorite regular activities. His answer is the arm-bar. Now I don’t mean a kind of grab your arm motion that might vaguely resemble the above mentioned move, I mean a spot on perfect execution of the classic grappling move that would get an acknowledging nod from a Gracie. Hands on wrist legs locked for leverage he executes it better than I did with months of practice. Now given the fact that he doesn’t have the reach or power (yet) to truly exploit the move it’s not really a lock so much as an inconvenience but it is nigh upon impossible to complete a changing when the move is in effect. Part two: Another thing my super active son dislikes strongly is being still, at all for any length of time. One form of this resentment takes place when you attempt to pick him up and move him to a destination of your choice against his will. He learned very quickly the best way to get around this. With the mongoose like agility of the very young he goes boneless and throws his arms up, a move that if you are unprepared leave you holding air and one toddler crashing to the ground. The first time he tried it he succeeded with flying colors. Sliding baby “whumped” into the floor and began immediately crying while baffled dad looked stupidly at his empty hands. Listen I know from experience how hard it is to teach someone that maneuver. For a variety of grabs and holds it’s the best way to get away, and to be honest it feels profoundly unnatural and it’s a lot harder to do than it looks. Not to a toddler apparently, little man will wait until you least expect it and then shimmy right out of your grip. I’ve since learned to detect and defeat the move but if your attention wanders the goose is loose. Part three: Right along with our part two, perhaps you thought to yourself, “Ha hold the child facing you that will put an end to those wormy shenanigans”. Well it does but it brings up a whole other set of problems. Pressure point and precision strike points. My son never bothered smacking me in the face or chest when he wanted to escape a dad-lock (he saves that for just regular old playtime) no he goes for whatever the single most effective point of attack is. Usually that means the throat and when I say the throat I don’t mean some nebulous target area anywhere in the neck region no I mean a precision strike just below the Adams Apple. A balled up toddler fist will sink a good ways into your windpipe if directed there, trust me I know. People spend their lives learning the most devastating place to strike a blow to maim or disable but my son seems to know instinctively. He doesn’t waste time pressing on your forearm or bicep if he wants to escape your arm no he jabs directly into the bundle of nerves centered in your elbow joint. The same goes for eye-gouges, nipple pinches and instep stomps just to name a few. Only his diminutive size and limited striking power have saved serious injury so far. All of a sudden Jackie Chan’s baby style Kung Fu moves from “Drunken Master” don’t seem so farfetched after all. Hmm…
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 09:09:13 +0000
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