Sitting on the aft deck of his capacious yacht Slipstream, surrounded by high-octane women and Paul McKenna, Simon Cowell chain-smoked his favourite brand of Kool cigarettes while a colonic specialist bleached his anus. OK, he said languidly. Lets do something outrageous to make Tom think hes got the inside track on my vacuous life of conspicuous consumption. Gosh, said 200 of Simons closest friends, who had already checked with him that he was happy for them to give Tom carefully scripted quotes. You really are a one! And such a babe magnet. I love chicks, me, Cowell yelled. Especially airheads with really big tits like Dannii Minogue. Ive no idea why everyone thinks Im gay. Us neither, said the 200 friends. But can we say youre a bit camp? An important message from Fox TV interrupted the bonhomie. Cowells face turned to thunder. The world is facing the biggest crisis in its history, he announced. Whats happened? a flunky asked...
Posted on: Sun, 04 May 2014 00:27:21 +0000
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