So... I have the best news EVER! I managed, for the first time since August, to drink a whole Ensure! (Nutritional shakes). I have the chocolate ones and they are SO nice! There is only 300 calories per drink and so I should really be having 4 a day. However, I am so BLOODY proud of myself and my body for even tolerating one right now! It is is a huge improvement and such a good step in the right direction! I do now feel a little sick and I am a bit uncomfortable in my stomach, but I knew this would be the case and so I have prepared myself to shut up moaning and put up with it! If I am sick, I am sick. If I am not sick then, well, thats just BLOODY BRILLIANT! This is a bit TMI so forgive me! ;) I am really impacted at the moment and despite taking double doses of prucalopride alongside 10mls of Dulcolax AND a suppository, I still havent been! This is what Prof Aziz thinks might be adding to the discomfort and sickness, because my body is not absorbing nutrients and getting rid of the waste as well and it should do! Hopefully within the next few days, on the new regime, I will be all better again! :) Whilst I can fully appreciate how easy it is for anybody with a chronic illness, especially one that is invisible, to stay in the chronic illness world and of cause feel the need to seek some support at times, I am thankful that with the help from my family, my friends and my therapist, I rarely even visit that place anymore. And on the days that I do, I scream and shout and then move on. Because every second counts! It is FINE to find it difficult to cope and it is FINE to seek some attention also. But that is what a therapist is for and certain members of the family and a handful of the friends. The rest of the time, it is SO important to not let your condition take complete control because the other people around you have their own problems to. And more importantly, the people who love and support the most, are the ones who deserve our kind, positive attributes we all have but just cannot find sometimes! It is a bloody hard life it really is and i dont want any of you to all of sudden think that i dont care about being ill anymore and that i am doing all of this through false pruclences! Reality is, I am still sick, I am still in pain and I and still angry that this has happened. I see my therapist quite often at the moment and most of the time, when Im with her, I do get angry and I do swear and sometimes I do actually cry! However, I have come to realise how brutally important it is to remain strong and to not constantly dwell in self pity. It doesnt change the fact that I am ill and if anything it makes my body struggle even more due to the negative feelings! Some days, I do take time out to reflect alone in my room and that is important for us all to do so at times. But when it comes down to it, as stupid as it sounds, I really honestly do consider myself to be one of the luckiest young women in this world! And that is what I hold onto every single day! I dont know what my future holds. But does anybody? All I know is that my life has been taken in a new direction through diagnosis but who is to say that this new path wont become more amazing than the one I was on before? 😜 Right now... The journey ahead is looking pretty damn GOOD! Xxx💖
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 01:43:11 +0000
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