THE SAX MAN WITH NO HEART I was asked to contract 3 horn players at the Paramount Theater to participate in a showing of the WIZARD of OZ for Austin elementary schools. The gig was booked for a Saturday morning for $25 per man. I took the gig thinking it might be good exposure for the Beto y los Fairlanes horn section. As it turned out, the Friday night before the band got booked for a club date in Corpus Christi. SO...we got off at 1:30am and had to drive back to Austin to report to the Paramount Theatre for costume & makeup at 8am. We got back to Austin about 7am. Nik & I stayed up, but John Mills went home & laid down for a few minutes & fell asleep. Nik went by to pick John up but John didnt answer his door, so Nik began throwing rocks at Johns bedroom window until he finally woke up. John arrived in a bad mood (possibly caused by stepping on the broken glass as he got out of bed). Nik was perfectly suited to the part of the SCARECROW...limber (yoga) body and SO smart yet sometimes brainless on the surface. (Once when the band was flying to Mexico, Nik was pulled from the plane & taken to security - clearly a case of mistaken identity. I was road managing & was able to speak with a detaining security officer to learn that they had a warrant for a Nicholas James Phelps wanted for car theft in Arizona. I was able to speak with Nik and asked, Did you ever steal a car in Arizona? Nik pondered and thought for a minute and carefully & hesitantly replied Well...I dont think so. I said, Nik...have you ever BEEN to Arizona? to which he responded No. He was a totally positive guy OPEN to the idea of being accused even though he had never been to Arizona and certainly had never stolen a car!) The high school girls stuffed straw into his pants and jacket of the costume as he relaxed & shook his body to allow the straw to slide into position and was as always most cooperative. I radiated in my LEO persona as the young girls fluffed by beard & mane as I donned the regal (cowardly) LION costume. If anyone was in need of a heart that morning it was John Mills as the apparatus of the TIN MAN was strapped to his body. The styrofoam tin prevented him from being able to bend his arms or legs and as the high school theater girl removed his glasses and little oil can hat to apply the silver face paint, the glare he sent her direction brought fear and tears to her eyes as she said in a trembling voice maybe we can skip the face paint. The costuming took place in the basement of the Paramount. Our appearance to the children was to be up 3 flights of stairs (no elevator) outside on the overhang above the marquis to build the excitement for the children as they arrived. This presented somewhat of a problem as John in his TIN MAN costume was unable to bend his knees to walk up the stairs. Nik and I got behind John and propped and pushed as he leaned back and climbed the stairs precariusly at a 45 degree angle. One up the narrow stairs from the basement dressing room and down the stairs from the from stage he was able to walk Frankenstein-like up the aisle of the theater then 45 degree propping & pushing up the lobby staircases to get to the 3rd level of the theater. Then we learned that we were expected to crawl out a window to get out onto the overhang. At that point, the stagehands had to be called up in order to pass John thru the window while handling him like a log. Stuck part way in the window for a moment, Johns no-heart glare turned in my direction (as I was part of the log crew) and I wondered if this might be the type gig to make a guy like John quit the music business. Once he was upright thru the window, his saxophone was carefully handed to him. Not being able to bend his elbows, John could barely get the tip of his reed to his mouth (just enough to make a sound) and was able to squeak out his part in our unrehearsed 3 horn medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Were Off To See the Wizard. Light mist began to fall which turned into rain as the children arrived in the buses...they never caught a glimpse of the costumed horn section. As we waited in the rain for the stagehands to return to pass John back thru the window, he stated is a most stern voice Dont EVER call me for a COSTUME gig again. Beto y los Fairlanes happened to be playing the MOCK MILITARY BALL at the Austin Opera House later that Saturday night. The party was of all things a costume gala themed for the guests to wear a military costume from any era. People showed up in military style costumes ranging from Civil War to Star Wars...pretty cool party. Beto had told the band we could wear a costume if we wanted but we didnt have to. Nik and I went to Goodwill and showed up wearing cheap army jackets & blue jeans. We assumed that John would NOT be wearing a costume HOWEVER Debbie had surprised John by painstakingly making him by hand an incredible costume. Beto wore his old drum major hat and the Fairlanes looked like a pretty rag tag army of mixes military coats, but we were shocked & amazed when John Mills appeared as though he had just stepped off the cover of the cereal box as CAPTAIN CRUNCH. We walked onto to the stage and before anybody could say anything John simply stated Do not speak a word. (Im pretty sure he didnt find his missing heart in that CAPTAIN CRUNCH suit.)
Posted on: Fri, 04 Apr 2014 16:02:37 +0000
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