The Muscle Factory - F.A.Q. * How much is this going to cost? Right now we’re looking at three tiers of membership, all on a monthly recurring bill: 1) Team Membership - The Muscle Factory team is set to become one of the biggest, baddest teams to scale every event at a competition. And this your chance to be part of it. We’ll have two training times every day, one in the morning and one in the evening so everybody can get what they want. Team members will have programming designed uniquely for them. All members will perform periodized programming with emphasis on weightlifting, powerlifting, and strongman. But that’s not all. Want to increase your vertical jump? Prepare for the next GoRuck Mudrun 5000? Have a bod that turns heads at the beach? Programming will be tailored on an individual level for each member’s specific needs. Team workouts will be limited to six members max to ensure we hit that magical 2:6 caoch to member ratio. This’ll cost you $175 In addition to above perks, team members will receive their very own Muscle Factory Team T-Shirt (available in any shade of pink or purple you like) and sponsorship to competitions that are deemed to be of interest to Muscle Factory (No more paying out of the company funds for Scott’s dumb philately competitions). 2) If competition isn’t your thing, and you don’t have the self-confidence to rock pink (c’mon, it looks great on you), we will offer personalized programming to prepare you for whatever is in your future (The CrossFit Games/Ultimate Frisbee/A weekend in Cabo) and access to the gym so that you can still get your swole on. Of course, we’ll still have to vet you before we can just let you loose on all of our pretty equipment, so it may require a Saturday or two of you coming in and letting us show you the ropes. We won’t charge you for that. And there may be drinking afterwards. This’ll cost you $100. 3) Don’t want Scott’s programming? Hate fun and team-building exercises that revolve around getting sloshed? Do you just want a place where you can do bicep curls until your arms fall off? The Muscle Factory can be that place. Again, we gotta make sure you’re not going to do something stupid like flaming bench presses or atlas stone juggling, so you’ll probably have to come hang out with us on a Saturday once or twice. Drinking encouraged. This’ll cost you $50. * There were talks of keys. How do I get a key? Just like with American Express, membership has its privileges; one such privileges is key access. While tied to Muscle Factory team membership, key access will be available on a case by case basis according to the agreement we have with ActivSpace. * But who’s going to be our caoch?! Scaht is the resident overlord of all things caochy and programmy. All things roll downhill from him and right into Drew’s lap. Together we will be doing our best to run a tight ship, with Drew caoching a morning class and Scott an evening. This is subject to change however since Drew gets lonely without Scott and we needs our huggle time. Does this mean you could effectively avoid Scott by just showing up every day in the morning? No such luck, bub. Because we believe in the buddy system, and because no one’s brain works at 100% in the morning, both of us will be present in the mornings, chipper and dapper as ever. Sometimes even in pants. * When are classes? Muscle Factory team will meet two times every day - at 5:30 AM and 6:30 PM - for anywhere between 75 and 120 minutes. No, that doesn’t mean you have to show up to both times. In fact, if you do you’ll probably be asked to leave. It means you get choices. Not a morning person? Come in the evening. Not a sane person? Come in the morning. It’s that easy. We’ll also be doing our best to create an open gym environment, so you can get your pump when works best for you. * Are there classes?! Like summer break we have no class. And we take pride in that. What we do offer are two structured and programmed sessions each day. There are no ramp up or orientation class requirements. You just need to attend morning or evening with a saucy attitude, an interest in learning the proper ways to lift big, and a desire to become awesomer than you have ever been. If going solo is your thing, and you have no interest in working out with a bunch of manly men and womanly ladies, drop us a note about when you’d like to come in, strut your stuff, and test out so we know you are good to go it alone. * Is this Crossfit? Will we do any MetCons? How will I sweat?! This is most definitely not. Programming is periodized and will involve lots of squats, deadlifts, presses, and other assorted barbell movements. Cycles will vary from four to twelve weeks and will all have a bias - powerlifting, weightlifting, strongman or gymnastic. Does that mean we won’t be doing MetCons? Of course not. Does that mean you won’t sweat? Don’t be silly. You’ll sweat more than John Goodman in a sauna. The Muscle Factory is a place to get stronger, to gain skill, and to become more limber. An emphasis will be placed on proper form, proper range of motion, and mobility. Each workout will start and end with mobility work, and every movement (whether it’s yoke carries, or high-bar back squat, or atlas stone loading, or muscle ups) will be taught with care and patience to ensure that everyone is working safely and efficiently. * Where is this so-called “mojo-dojo” located? We are located at 4020 Leary Way NW, suite #123 Seattle, WA 98107 * How will I pay you? Regular payment of rent is something we need to do each month. Accordingly, we depend on members following suit. Monthly plans will be automatically recurring using WaveAccounting. Typically the billing cycle will run the first of the month. If you need a different date we will find a way to accommodate you. * Wait a second, I did some quick math and we’re all paying you more than it costs to rent the place. Where’s all that extra money going? Someone has to pay for Dwerp’s seventeen kids to go to college, right? Actually, the first $100 of profit will go to pay his yarblestab bill. After that, moneys left in the plus column will be rolled into acquiring gear for the gym and as investments in team activities like competition entry fees, team building road trips à la that one Britney Spears movie, and beer. * What’s your five year plan? See below. Multiply by 5. * Scratch that. What’s your one year plan? See above. Divide by 5. * Shit, do you even have a plan? Yes, lift heavy shit all the time. And have fun. And wear pink just a little too much. * What about equipment? Oh yeah. We’ll definitely have those. * Okay, let me rephrase that: If I buy or bring in equipment, will I get a reduced membership? No. * Really? Yes. * Okay, what do I get for bringing in equipment then? Really, it depends on you. The Muscle Factory will ALWAYS gladly accept donations. You might even get Scott to bake you a plate of cookies or paint your wall in return. We’ve also been know to help people move in exchange for decent gear. But if a donation isn’t your thing, we do have other options: 1. You can lend us the item. We’ll record everything about the condition, description, and general emotional well-being of the item when it is initially given to us, and make sure that when time comes for you to take the item back it is in as good - or pinker - condition. 2. You can sell us the item. We’ll make you an offer. You’ll counter. We’ll get on our knees and beg. You’ll feel awkward and settle. And then depending on what works best for the both of us, we’ll either buy it outright from you right then and there or negotiate a cash payment plan.
Posted on: Fri, 27 Sep 2013 01:58:32 +0000
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