The last few weeks I said some shit was on my mind. Most dont have to do with the life around here...but something else. I have this hope of moving someday, and right now it seems like a good idea. I want to, and know I have a real family out there that I dont even know. I know some, and that is only because of facebook. Really never met anyone in person, except for my brother...once 16-17 years ago. The things that go through my mind is that ...what if things dont work out, and I miss this area. Or I have a life then, I will never see this place that all of my friends see, and live everyday. How I see everybody now, is how you will be remembered. I wont see any of my friends age, move on. Its not like seeing an old friend passing by on a drive, or walk. This is almost like forever. I can make a life around here, but not a good one. I can get by, but not really get what I was born to do. I like my friends around here, and consider them as my brothers n sisters. I can tell anybody at work anything on my mind, and I trust them all...to a point. ha, ha, ha... Some friends dont get along all the time, but things pass...then its back to good times. See most of my life I lived from place to place. Really never settled any where, and ended up with some evil women. Mostly just to be with someone, and I was a drunk then...plus need a place to live. Good I never married any of them, or I will be in pure Hell...with some of them. I really never had a real love in my life, but a booze love. Never found anyone sober. Never again on that. At least Brenda, and I know we are friends that being together. We both know that I will be moving on. I will miss her, and I will always be friends with her. I will keep in contact with her til I pass on. I do plan on flying her up to visit me from time to time...if possible. All the people, and friends that I see from day to day. I wish you can know my thoughts. I never say the feelings that I have. I see you all living your life in a town, or area that you know. Most of you will live there for your days, and some will move on. But thats your lives, and maybe not much change. People may come, and go to them. But your all in the same area. I am goin to an all new world, and I have no clue on how to do it. I do know that I got to do this, or I will never know my real family, and life might be too late if I wait. I got 100s of family members that I never knew, and I got to know. I got to know the family history, and the land. I will give them my knowledge, and other things that might be able to help out with. So basically I have a fear right now, and kinda scared of where Im going, and the ones that Im leaving behind. This is the first time that I care for people, than myself...and I will miss them. They all have a place in my heart, and I will never be forgotten. The life a boozer was the boy, and now I am starting to get control of my life. I dont know the answers, but to not be scared, and to keep my head up...show no fear, and to have the strength to move on. This isnt goin to be a thing that if I dont like something. Its not like driving a few hours back for a visit, or to live. This is the shit that has been going through my head, and I want to let my friends know that I care for you all. Before you know it, I will be saying so long, and ride off on my bike for the last time. So if their are problems with some of us...Im sorry, and I want the things we had...the good times. Not much time left, and I want a good memory of you all. You all know who you are. So in the mean time Im out doing my workouts, warriors training, and some art. I will continuing that til I leave. So so long everyone for now, and I will get back sometime.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 16:19:09 +0000
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