There is something I find inherently fake about happy-happy family get togethers, like the ones on Christmas shows or postcards. Christmas can be a holiday where spending time with family members, though we love them, is not always easy and simple. Mine is messy and I would not want it otherwise. I believe it is good for people to smashintoeachother, to face each others idiosyncrasies and accept each others imperfections. There is no ideal family, and in the pretending, we are imposing a sense of false obligation and denying the beauty in what is a unique family story. The rituals are good, wanting a normal family is not. My two oldest girls, Jasmine and Jessica, brilliant as they are, are on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of personality. When they were little, they did everything together, perhaps because of a lack of others to play with (since we lived in a very remote country area surrounded by woods and cornfields), perhaps because their identities were not yet fully formed. In any case, Jasmine is warm, dramatic and empathetic. She is emotional, and, though she doesnt like to hear it, is a bit like me. Jessica is rational but clinical with a wicked sense of humour and likes a lot of personal space. Add Vic to the mix. She is like sunshine in a bottle, but cannot compete with the rather acidic and often funny witty reparté between the two older girls, and spends a lot of her time alternating between trying to appease and following the conversation. Meanwhile, I flutter around in my own idealistic way, a bit nervously, but happy, hoping the whole joint wont blow up in a clatter of frustration and tears. We eat, we debate, we laugh at each other, and, wryly, at ourselves. Its messy, like a floor filled with pillows, open boxes, candy, dog hair and wrapping paper, but it belongs to us, this mess. It is comfortable and good for us. Well all go back to our corners once the holidays are over, but it wont be long before I orchestrate another smash-in, a time and space where we meet each other again, to learn what it is to love. Merry Christmas everyone, from this messy family to yours! x
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 17:18:04 +0000
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