There were times in my past that it would seem I would only be holding on to my Heavenly Father by a thread and times when I was not able to hold on to Him and He was holding on to me. But in this dark valley I clung to my Heavenly Father with both hands. I was not only in His grip of grace, I was clinging to the Grace! My mind could not understand the loss of my Beloved Matthew, but I sought God with all of my heart to direct me through this dark abyss. Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all of your heart. As I sought my Heavenly Father, He continued to minister to my heart with scriptures, people, and circumstances. October 2013 as I struggled through Matthew’s first birthday without him and the approaching holidays my heart ached. November 2013, I would go to Venice and Rome. I had mixed emotions regarding this trip. How could I go? I did not feel like going, I wanted to stay home and not do or see anyone! Going to Italy had been item on my bucket list. My father’s grandparents were from there. Matthew and I talked about going there, perhaps for his graduation trip. In March 2013 Matthew and I would do his last school project together on Italy. But now I was not sure I wanted to go…. My Day 10 thankfulness and demonstration of my Heavenly Father’s Infinite Grace. As the day approached for us to go, my thoughts were that I would be able to disconnect from my life and circumstances. I was 5,315 miles from home, but my heart still ached. I found myself thankful for the two that had taken me there as they continued to saturated me with love and embrace my every emotion with grace. As we walked the streets of Venice it was peaceful and calming. As my Heavenly Father displayed Himself to me through the spectacular views at the Grand Canal and rich history in this City my heart was being comforted. The history of St. Mark’s square, the Doge’ Palace, and the Bridge of Sighs. We then went to Rome here is where my Heavenly Father spoke to me and where I left my “Why” questions in His hands. As we walked the streets of Rome taking in all of the sights, my Heavenly Father was walking beside me revealing things to me. As we toured the Roman Forum and viewed the ruins, walked around the Colosseum, saw the arch that Matthew and I had built together for his last school project, the Pantheon, toured the Vatican and Sistine Chapel, visited countless churches, read about the people who had been killed, the rein of Nero, my heart was aching for the great losses that took place in this area. To walk the streets where first century Christians were, was an experience as I tried to imagine what they endured. To wander to the places where Peter and Paul had walked and stand at the locations where it is believed they were killed was profound. This was not a vacation to me. It was so much more! I felt a closeness to my dad and my Beloved Matthew. This is where my Heavenly Father met me, spoke to me through all that I saw and experienced, and answered the questions that had burdened my heart. Why didn’t He protect Matthew? Why couldn’t I have gone with him? Why wasn’t I able to protect Matthew? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? Why is there evil in this world? Why doesn’t’ He intervene on behalf of His children? …….. There has been evil in this world since the first sin of Adam and Eve. God has given us free will to choose and make our own choices? If He intervened and stopped all of the bad and evil things, He would have to take our free will, He would have bring the “Last Day.” I left my “Why” questions with Him in Italy and He gave me peace in return!
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 11:15:04 +0000
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