This IS a different kind of Christmas this year. Very sad for me. My heart has been hurt deeply by those people closest to me. Some in death, some in other ways. It seems to be a never-ending saga. I found a brief moment of pure happiness this summer after years of misery. For that, I hold no regrets. I can only be thankful for the person who made room for me in their busy life. Nobody has ever done that for me. This person constantly told me to be strong. I replied,I have been strong for so long that I need someone who can be strong FOR me. I needed a break from being strong. I was weak. He was strong yet he was weak and I was strong. We collectively made a mess of our situation. I am not sure either one of us holds MORE blame than the other but I am the one taking all the blame whether I agree with it or not. We both looked forward to a new road in our lives but we were both caught up in undesirable situations and we both found happiness in each other. When he opened the door, I walked in. Maybe he feels the same way. I dont know. He kept telling me that we were in this together. Now, it is all on me....and again, I am all alone. I have never broken that persons confidence-even under pressure. I still hold this persons secrets although this person has betrayed mine and puts all the blame on me for his situation. We shared things that should only be between us, things that were shared with that person in strictest confidence according to HIS terms. Things that although he has spilled personal details, I have not EVER discussed any sensitive issues with ANY OTHER living soul. I can not speak for him. He cares deeply for me yet he pushes me away. Not even respecting our friendship! RESPECT that HE demands? I have ALWAYS been respectful of him. He is not respecting me and is not standing up for me in the least little bit. As if the whole scenario was to blame on me. And it IS Christmas.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 09:30:55 +0000
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