This is what I know. I made mistakes. I made Jimmi. I have suffered judgement from others but hold no grudges and will not tolerate lies or people harming the vunerable. I have a huge love for Our Planet and beyond and all it entails. I try, in my own way, to follow the teachings of Lord Buddha. I know what I see and feel, sense, things most do not or will not or cannot get and so does my son. He really feels it and it pains me as I know this trait makes life harder but so much more precious. My most treasured gift, after Jimmi, is what Nanny Gear gave me, my VERY scary and even more mysterious, Irish Great Grandmother. I remember being puzzled over a comment she made. I was under 11, for sure, and she just looked at me with those wise old eyes and silver hair and crinkly, time travelled face, and said, softly, in that Southern Irish Brogue, That insight of yours will get ye in trouble one day, girl. She was correct. Jimmis journey will be a little easier. I can help him, as much as my stubborn son will allow and I am able. He is growing, that steadiness, that glow is very apparent. He needs me but not like he used to and it rocks. He is my best friend. And THAT makes me happy as I know I am his, even if he denies it. We talk about things neither of us tell anyone else. We understand what we are saying, the nuances, and life has already shown him that many do not see things like he does, I do. And it puzzles him, The World, People, just as it does me. He asked me a couple of days back when he would get it. I told him I was still trying to get it myself and that makes for one amazing roller coaster ride, with screams and hearts beating loudly and giggles and LAUGHING. Life really is what you make it. It is true, not the years in your life but the life in your years. I have had a life and then some!! I know my karma is balanced and I know I will always fight for what I believe in. I believe in life and love and humanity. I belive in my son. I believe in unconditional love and smiling at stangers and jumping in puddles and rolling in the snow. I am grateful for every single breath I take. The government says (if they said it, well, it must be true) I died at around 37 and I am 44 now. I know I have absolutely no fear of death. Never have had, now I think back. I am really quite curious as to the experience. I know I am terrified to leave my son. And I know what happens to people with my medical background. And I wish I didnt. I have no regrets and would not change a thing about my journey as SarahB. It brought me to my now, the journey that is life and NOW is amazing, wonderfully wicked, so ALIVE. I love the life I have. I am one lucky lassie. Believe it. I WILL ALWAYS FIGHT THIS VIRUS. With all I have. That in noway means that it may not shorten my life or contribute to my death but Ill go down fighting. ALL the way. I have had a wonderful four and a bit decades on this planet, as me. And I embrace every tiny thing the future may bring. Utterly. There are no coincidences and I love you all very much. I know I am ALIVE. I know I am a Mum, a Daughter, I know people love me and may be sad if I died. That is what I know. Peace and Independent Thinking x
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 16:26:20 +0000
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