This is what we do here: A counsellor’s story Very cold, of late, and you wouldn’t expect it, but weather can affect a counselling day. If the weather – good or bad, is keeping kids indoors, there’s a good chance we’re gonna be hearing from them. And it’s not just boredom…they may have been considering contacting us for a while and this imposed restriction just provides the opportunity they’ve needed to take time and contact us. Another aspect is when kids are confined to home it naturally brings them into closer contact with their families, which can buff up all the existing conflicts. Or, too often, emphasize what isn’t present there for them. A brutally cold weekend brought me a call from a girl struggling with depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. She was upset in anticipation of her mom’s return from work, and confessed that her mom had been hitting her. But as bad was her verbal abuse, which had convinced my caller she was worthless and pretty much expendable. She had been hospitalized recently for a suicide attempt and was afraid of that happening again – so was calling preventatively – hoping to avert another episode. But as she described her family life, the picture just got bleaker and darker. No one in her family seemed capable of seeing her pain and suffering, or supporting her…it seemed everyone blamed her for “causing trouble.” After her hospitalization, a social worker spoke to her and promised things would “get better.” The caller told me that, momentarily, this had made her feel heard and supported. But then, “the social worker talked to my mother and believed her.” Her mother had described her as “a bad kid” to the social worker, and now this young person didn’t believe anything was going to change at all. In other words, hopelessness descended again. As we explored some safety plans for her, she revealed another risk – there was a bridge near where they lived and she’d been thinking of jumping off it. This came out when I suggested that she could leave the house when her mother got abusive and she felt things escalating towards more hitting. Safety plans are really important for at-risk teens, so we talked about her calling the police if she needed to, but she didn’t seem comfortable with this as an option. Instead I suggested she could leave the house, get to a phone and call us so that we could help her figure out what she could do next. This seemed more doable for her. She did talk about one nice friend she had, but felt she was too busy to spend time with her. I encouraged her to give her a call, ‘cause it could work out for them to spend some time together that evening. I explained that having something nice to look forward to would go a long way to helping her feel better. And she liked this idea a lot. After this call, I found myself reflecting on how sad she was, yet what strength she demonstrated to be taking the chance of reaching out in hopes of something better for herself. That is what we do here…support the bits of hope we find in kids…and bolster them to fight on for a better life. It might be challenging at times, but it’s always a privilege at the same time. Cheers, Louise
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:28:36 +0000
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