This just in: The Americans With No Abilities Act President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence nor drive to carve out any meaningful role for themselves in society, said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. We can no longer allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing. In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring people with no abilities. Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, millions of mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance making everyone feel good. Mandatory non-performance-based raises will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most incompetent employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job? As a non-abled person, I cant be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them, said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. This new law should be real good for people like me. As far as I can tell, Ill finally have job security. Said Sen. Dick Durbin: As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials have enjoyed ought to be extended to every American with no abilities...and get a good salary while doing or not doing their job H/T Mark Harms
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:22:18 +0000
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