This one isn’t particularly thought out, it’s straight from a particularly confused mind. It’s just there is a reason for me to rush and as always I will doubtless use 10 words when one could perhaps be got away with. I think the only thing on my ‘things I must do before I die list’ is to talk to you. A really open, totally honest conversation. I’ve never done that with anyone before, I just think it must be an amazing experience. And if there are just areas where one of us just can’t go the only forfeit is to explain why. That’s still honest. Can we please do that? OK I have used the word please but not to try to get you something you don’t want to do or to do it out of pity – just say go away – but to try to get something you may want to do. I’m hurting you know, you understand why. Perhaps you understand more than anybody else. Perhaps you are conversing – the still after the storm? – I hope that means something to you but the trouble is I’m so desperate for crumbs I don’t know if I’m clutching at straws. I will talk about that and if it is from you I’m not complaining its got to be your way but I just feel so ….stupid I guess. Don’t be too clever and try to help me understand. I’m not doubting you I’m doubting myself. I’m in love with you and I’m suffering. Is that what you want? Please help me understand because that feeling means the priority is not hurting you and I just don’t know if I’m doing that. But I don’t want the conversation to go over this over and over again. A conversation is as much about listening as talking. What do you think of the northern lights? What’s on your to do list? The state of local public authority finances, what would you do if you were in charge? Music – have you grown out of what’s-his-name yet, I’ve seen one or two golden oldies recently. Should David Moyes be sacked? Marmite – love it or hate it? Anything, just anything as long as I could be mesmerised by those eyes. Please, please believe me. The reason for the urgency? Well I’ve just found out that the first phase of what I have been telling you about is about to come to the end. Painless wasn’t it! I just remember the things you had to say about what had happened and your disappointment that you didn’t get the help you deserved. I just think that what happened more recently was a continuation of that, it wasn’t taken seriously and the truth was perverting by those who should have known better. I don’t have a mafia, I’ve explained that, but I wish you would have your say. It probably won’t make the slightest bit of difference but it might get that frustration off your chest. It doesn’t have to be done with me I can give you an email address if you want. The trouble is I don’t know what the mafia is meant to have done or even if that was being addressed to me but I’m complaining about it and suggesting it should have been brought out into the open and I should have been questioned about it. The end result was that it was all dropped without anything being sorted – unless I’m missing something. It’s all getting a bit surreal. But I’m not trying to do anything behind your back. I would like your advice, help, approval, disapproval, instructions…I don’t know. I’m trying to do the right thing without knowing what the right thing is. I’m slowing going insane I think. Help me…please!! Can’t we do something ordinary?
Posted on: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 17:25:08 +0000
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