This probably wont make much sense but sometimes I feel really alone. Yes, my house and heart is full BUT Im on this chronic illness journey alone. Im in so much pain there was no getting comfortable watching a movie. Just none. Its been increasingly this way. Stuff that used to distract me from the pain now I cant focus on because Im distracted by the pain. Im in a constant state of distraction that nobody understands. Donny Orick thinks I ignore him. I dont. Much like I pretty much take in everything, including my pain, I take in what hes saying. Im on stimulus overload and I dont often know which stimuli to respond to. It should be obvious to respond to a person. I think I do in a small way. A lot of the time I dont want to be distracted so maybe I do ignore. Like Im finally able to focus on SOMETHING but here comes something else to distract me. Its a vicious circle. Leslie Funk maybe you can relate or touch on this subject sometime in your blog. Sometimes I think I should write my own blog.... But who would read it? Theres already so many blogs out there. Leslie you have your quick wit and humor. I just have roiling thoughts and raw emotion that vomit onto a page. I wonder what it would be like to contain my thoughts and channel them in a positive way. Trying meditation... No thats a lie. I love the idea of meditiation. I cant stand the idea of sitting silent and still with my pain without a distraction. Which, is not supposed to happen when you meditate but it takes a lot practice to get to a point in meditation where its second nature and not so forced. I can never slow my inner dialogue enough to really meditate. I love and loathe the idea of meditiation. Ohhhhh to be Buddha and sit under the Bodhi tree and obtain enlightenment. Id settle for a fraction of enlightenment.... #spoonielife #spooniethoughts #chronicpain #chronicillness
Posted on: Sat, 04 Oct 2014 05:28:12 +0000
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