To the men I hurt, I am sorry… “How could you be so cruel? How could you be so heartless? Why are you pushing me away? You’re more than beautiful outside and I believe that you’re most beautiful inside. You’re a good lady, a wife material. Someone like you is so hard to find! But why are you being so insensitive? Heartless? Stone-hearted? You’re so cold, lady!” These words slapped me. Felt like a tsunami buffeted in me, an earthquake shattered my being, global warming blew me so hard (ka-boom!)! Harsh… edgy… straightforward… sensible… reasonable… A Philippine Marine Officer voiced these out, weeks ago. (hava-hava ng hair ko! Level up na ang veauty ko! Marine officer LANG naman siya! Hhahahahah!) I didn’t reply. I was silent and just allowed time passed by until darkness enveloped my night, laid my tired body bringing with me an afflicted heart (drama much? Hhahahha!). I woke up the following day with an abstruse heart, I was devastated. I was obliterated by his words. My surrounding was clear as crystal, sun shone so bright welcoming me to a world of aesthetics, but still, my mood was gloomy as Mr. Bean’s face (hehehehe), and I felt so INDIFFERENT! Thoughts of ‘them’ unlikely existed from my head, seemed like my memory dug all my hidden, unsought and unwanted photos of ‘them’ to my present time… again. My head was filled with flat-screen tv’s, flashing ‘their’ faces and ‘their’ gestures, and it’s so far-fetched! The ‘them’ whom I unintentionally hurt. The ‘them’ who only showed as to how ‘they’ admired me. The ‘them’ who were resolute enough to expressed ‘their’ feelings toward me. I cogitated, long, enough for me to put into thoughts that… I have become a heart-breaker. And I have been like this since…. (I can no longer remember) It’s not easy to see ‘them’ abashed, it’s not easy to say, “I’m sorry, I am not interested. I’m not into commitment. Don’t bother me anymore. Waste your time not to me. I am not worthy for you. Your effort is not appreciated. You scram and bother me NO MORE!” My friends have been so kind to me. They’ve been so concern about my ‘love life’ (per se). Left and right have they’ve been telling me to date him, to that this, to date that… but… I dated no one and I responded to no one. (hava hava ng hair ko no? feeling so maganda na va ako? Ahahahahah! Please, don’t cross your eyebrows and please don’t think that I am being such a hard-to-get-gal. It’s just that, really, I CAN FEEL NOTHING… NO KILIG-FACTOR, NO FEELING OF EXCITEMENT, NOTHING AT ALL…) To all men I unwittingly hurt, believe me, I am deeply deeply so sorry for being so austere and insensitive. “Never judge me as to why am I so cruel, heartless and cold (as you put it). Every girl has her own stories, and if only you’ll know my story, for sure, you’ll appreciate and you might fall for me the more. (Am I being so “nagbubuhat ng sariling bangko”? Sorry, this is my blog. Walang pakialaman! Because this has been proven… many times… hahhaha!) I am not being nag-papaganda nor nagda-drama effect, it’s just that I simply ignore them for I HAVE REACHED MY QUOTA and I don’t want to exceed my quota, I might get so sympathetically rich and empathetically poor. “My heart is open but my mind is still close…” CIAO!!!!
Posted on: Sat, 20 Jul 2013 12:01:52 +0000
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