Today I am celebrating my 10 years A.D.!!! It was ten years ago today that my life started over when my doctor told me, “Polly, you have breast cancer.” Since then, I think of my life in terms of “BC/AD” – “Before Cancer/After Diagnosis.” Yes, my family and I do celebrate my breast cancer anniversary each September 30th because (1) it was a life-changing day in our lives, and (2) I am still here to celebrate it! I think anyone who has battled any kind of cancer will tell you it is a life-changing experience. Time is forever made more precious. Every additional day is a bonus. Facing down cancer also alters one’s perspective regarding anything more life brings one’s way. Challenges are viewed through the filter of one’s recognized mortality. Any problem beats the alternative of losing to cancer. I greet each additional birthday with true gratitude that I am alive to get older. The chronic pain of fibromyalgia may need to be managed daily, but, hey, it’s not life-threatening. Peripheral neuropathy may be an annoying lasting side-effect from chemotherapy, but that chemo allowed me to be at the high school graduation of each of my four sons so I will gladly live with any of its side-effects. Two weeks ago today, I had surgery to repair a fractured foot and address a scarred ankle tendon. Today my fiberglass cast was removed, and I was put in a boot cast. I got my first look at my new surgical incisions – two on my inner foot and ankle, a small one low on the outside of my foot where the fracture occurred, and a humongous Frankenstein-looking scar running from the midpoint of my outer foot well up the side of my calf (photos withheld out of deference for the squeamish). Being in the boot and on crutches for at least four more weeks will be inconvenient. High heels may be permanently barred. While I am still conscious of these things, and wish I didnt have to deal with them, I can’t get really worked up about any of it. After 14 surgeries in these ten years, my various scars have become earned “survival badges.” The bottom line is, and always will be, I’m just grateful to still be alive. As to why I got breast cancer, I have never once ask, “Why me?” The answer to that question is clearly, “Why not me?” Breast cancer can hit any woman, regardless of age, ethnicity, socioeconomic environment, or family medical history. In fact, the same is true for men. Yes, men can and do get breast cancer. I was not immune; you are not immune. I have shared my cancer journey with so many survivors, female and male. Survivors share a bond that immediately binds us into an amazing “Sisterhood” (with male survivors embraced fully as brothers in the fight). It is a pink ribbon sorority which doesn’t want any new members. New members, however, are embraced and supported wholeheartedly through every stage of their individual journey. Members who are lost are mourned by all. I have grieved the loss of many I have encountered along this path. It is these losses that cause me to frequently ask, “Why me? Why was I blessed to become cancer-free? Why have I been blessed to remain cancer-free for ten years and counting?” While I am grateful for the extraordinary medical care I received from each member of my health care team, I have no doubt that the ultimate “How?” of my healing is attributable to the Great Physician, my faithful and loving God. This makes my “Why?” question even more enigmatic. My thankful question, “Why me?” is undoubtedly echoed by the pained question, “Why me?” from each survivor who does not reach or retain cancer-free status. None of us, nor our loved ones, will have our “Whys?” answered until our individual life journey ends. However, despite the ultimate prognosis going forward, we may recognize ways we have grown and how our experience benefits us and others. Regardless what the answer may be to our “Why?” question, each survivor, and anyone who walks through the cancer experience with her or him, will be changed by the journey. While no one wants to battle cancer, and I pray I will never have to again, the entire cancer/survivor journey has been, and continues to be, an enriching experience in my life. I am grateful to have gone through it. My nine months of active treatment were the most physically grueling, and spiritually joy-filled, of my life. Through it all, I felt the intimate presence of God. It was His presence and comfort that physically sustained me when my body was drained, and brought me true joy in my difficult, unwanted circumstances. Through cancer, I experienced, “His peace that passes understanding.” Dan, our four young sons and I were cared for and ministered to by the amazing outpouring of love and support of so many people. Such an intense experience of being cared for and prayed for is, in itself, a blessing. I will forever be grateful to my caregivers and prayer warriors. I thank each of you again now. *** Breast Cancer Awareness Month begins tomorrow ***
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 01:36:28 +0000
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