Truthfully, these recent months of my life have been hell. Trial after trial after trial. Where there are things I wish I could change and fix, or could have prevented or seen coming, Im still able to say that Im thankful for every one of those events. Because they put me where I am now. Im thankful that Im alive. And Im thankful for the lessons Ive learned. To no one specific; Ive learned that its okay to need people. But whats not okay is depending on people. Im at a point where Im done fighting to keep people in my life, if you want to walk. Walk. Have a nice life. Ive learned that sometimes you cant duck every punch that gets thrown. Some of them will always connect and knock you on your ass. But whats important is getting back up. Ive learned that sometimes. Its ok to be the weak person. The vulnerable person. The fragile human that I and the rest of us are. Ive always thought of myself as a very strong individual. But until being forced to endure this recent hell Ive come to know as my life currently, I had no idea the true depth of that strength. Ive cried, Ive bled and Ive broken down completely. But myself, and not without the help of others I am still here. Ive realized that these things have happened, because I was strong enough to deal with them. And because you cant truly enjoy life, without resenting it at some point or another. Im aware some people see a broken man, which I am. But when I look in the mirror... I see a blessing. I dont see a broken leg. I see a blessing that forced me to face every demon and traverse each and every single dark corner I had built up in my mind over the years. A lot of people see a heart broken man, which I am. But I see a blessing, a blessing that taught me how to love again to my fullest. To actually care. A blessing that forced me to stand up, and get out of the pit I was stuck in for so long. I am fragile. I am vulnerable. I am weakened. But I can say that at no point, has my spirit ever truly been broken. Its grown stronger. My mind, has grown stronger, my heart has grown stronger. And my bones and body will again grow stronger. Truthfully, Im stronger than Ive ever been in my entire life. After this, I will go on to get into the best shape Ive ever been in, in my entire life. Because I now know what its like to be in the worst shape of my life. I will recover from this and pursue my dreams, that I have been so afraid of chasing. But failing. I will recover. I will recover, and become a better me than I have ever been. A stronger me, a wiser me, and most of all, a more loving version of myself. To those that chose to leave my life, thank you for the time, however Ive learned I dont need anyone that doesnt need me. I was born to live. And built to survive and last. I lost track of myself. However these recent happenings have connected me with the person I really am once again. For that I will forever be thankful. I was embarrassed by all the scars I was left with. But Ive realized, those are marks left by a war I was waging with myself. No one can improve me, but me. And to those that choose, have chosen or never left my side in the first place. This is my promise to you, I will recover, I will keep pushing forwards. And I will make you all so very proud. Because Ive realized that Im not at anyones mercy but my own. Ive learned EXACTLY how powerful my heart, mind and spirit truly are. And I promise, youre all going to be astonished at the finished product when Im done picking up these pieces. Cheers to a brighter future than my past, and to anyone that decided not to come back, you can kiss my ass. :). I love you all. More than words can describe. And Ill never be able to thank or repay any of you for even half of what youve done for me, and helped me through.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 03:27:41 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015