#WORTH SHARING! .....May Allah Help We Daughters,Sisters,Aunties,Wives n Mothers!!! Your husband is in one of his moods again. He disagrees with everything you say. The food doesn’t have enough of this or it has too much of that. Nothing you do is enough and everything you do is wrong. Your husband is really getting on your nerves! You’ve heard it all before - Muslim wives should be obedient to their husbands. Inside, you’re steaming! “Why should I have to serve him when he treats me like a doormat? Don’t my feelings count? Don’t I have any rights?” Indeed, the mistreatment of women by men has nothing to do with Islam, my dear sister. It has to do with cultural practices, ignorance, weak faith, impatience, low self-esteem and other factors unrelated to our religion. You have dignified rights given by Allah the Most High that affirm your right to complain regarding your husband’s ill treatment of you. The story of Khawlah bint Tha’labah clarifies this: Khawlah said: By Allah, the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah was revealed concerning me and my husband Aws ibn al-Samit. He was an old man with a bad temper. One day, he came in and I raised a particular issue with him again. He became angry and said, you are to me as the back of my mother. Then he left our house and sat for a while with some people that he knew. Later, he came back home and wanted to have marital relations with me. I said, No way! By the hand of the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khuwaylah (i.e., Khawlah), you will never get what you want from me after saying what you said until Allah and His Messenger (SAW) decide between us. He tried to force himself on me, but I was able to resist because I was a young woman and he was a weak old man. I pushed him away. Then I went to one of my (female) neighbours and borrowed a cloak from her and went to the Messenger of Allah (SAW). I sat before him and told him what my husband had done to me and began to complain to him about my sufferings due to my husbands bad temper. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, O Khuwaylah, your cousin is an old man, so fear Allah with regard to him. I did not leave until Quran was revealed concerning me. The Prophet (SAW) was overcome as he usually was when Quran was revealed to him and, when it was over, he said: O Khuwaylah, Allah has revealed Quran concerning you and your husband. Then he recited to me Allah’s admonishment regarding what Aws had done and the penalty for compensation of his misdeed. The Prophet (SAW) then said that Aws had to feed sixty poor people with a wasq of dates. I said, O Messenger of Allah, he does not have that much. He said, Then we will help him with a faraq of dates. I said, And I will help him with another faraq, O Messenger of Allah. He said, You have done right and done well. Go and give it in charity on his behalf, then take care of your cousin properly. And I did so. (narrated by Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawud, quoted by Ibn Kathir in his tafsir at the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah) In the above hadith you will notice that the Prophet (saw) commended Khuwaylah when she offered to assist her husband by giving in charity to him by paying for his compensation in dates. The Prophet (saw) told her she had done right and well. He didn’t recommend she criticise or berate him. Rather, he commended her kindness toward him, even though Aws had been reprimand by Allah the Most High. Then the Prophet (saw) further tells her to take care of her husband properly. And she says she did so. An interesting note here is that the Prophet (saw) tells Khuwaylah to take care of her husband properly. Sometimes spouses are quick to speak out regarding the ill treatment of their significant other but neglect to notice their own shortcomings. The Prophet (saw) reminds Khuwaylah about her own responsibility. In any relationship, it is important for parties to know what their rights are as well as their obligations. Some women are unaware of their own obligations or wifely manners that are recommended. “O you who believe! Fulfill (your) obligations” (Al-Maidah:1) “And fulfill (every) covenant. Verily, the covenant will be questioned about.” (Al-Isra: 17) Remember, too, that fighting fire with fire may not be the best solution in minimising your husband’s bad temper. Using kindness to manage a heated situation may be a better solution. Not only can the gentle approach be effective in managing undesirable behaviour from your husband, it is also the way in which the Prophet (SAW) dealt with his own wives. He overlooked their weakness in character or at least he didn’t respond to their ill behaviour in kind. Learn favourable ways of dealing with your husband’s emotional stabs and verbal cuts directed at you due to his own insecurities and weaknesses. Abu Umamah Al-Bahili (ra) reported: The Messenger of Allah (saw) said, I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing even if he is in the right and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners. This is just one of many hadith that encourage humbling oneself when disagreements occur between Muslims. Of course, times will occur when you will need to make your rights clear to your husband. This can be done in a calm, respectful way, however, rather than in a confrontational manner. One of the best ways of changing our husbands, which we often neglect, is through making du’a. Ask Allah (SWT) to help your husband improve in his treatment of you. And also remember to ask Him to help you develop more patience, allowing you to become a stronger Muslimah as a result of your tolerance—Allah (SWT) has power over all things. You can be your husband’s example and mentor. You can be his teacher by using your unique qualities that Allah (SWT) has given you as a woman and as a righteous good Muslim. You can show him what patience is. You can show him what tolerance is. You can show him what forgiveness is. One of the ways to help you become more tolerant when dealing with your husband’s behaviour is by telling yourself that you are being kind to your husband not for his sake but only for the pleasure of Allah (SWT). This can be an enormous boost in helping you become more patient with your husband’s shortcomings. So too can the following hadith: If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Al-Hakim) You may be wondering - at what point should a wife not tolerate her husband’s unislamic behaviour? It is up to each individual wife to determine at what point the mistreatment has gone beyond her personally set limits. When you implement the characteristics of patience and noble humility in reaction to your husband’s shortcomings, you’re likely to be amazed at the improvement in your marital situation, bi-idhnillah. This positive manner of handling your marital problems is not belittling you; rather, it is empowering you.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Sep 2014 09:15:08 +0000
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