We were wed twelve years ago today; but we had begun the process of becoming an “Us” four and a half years before our wedding day. Until we married, I saw no reason to—I was already in my 40s and Greg in his 30s, so there would be no children in our future. But when I went to work for PerotSystems, on July 1, 2002, Greg would lose the domestic partner insurance benefits he had enjoyed through my prior employer. So we married in Las Vegas that Independence Day. And I was surprised to discover that those wedding vows made us even more an “Us.” In marrying, we took on a status that hadnt seemed so important to us—initially, but it made a world of difference to the people who werent Us, and that sort of public commitment and community acknowledgement made an even greater Us of us. So what happens when two introverts who typically dont want the World in our business, and who each values our own sovereignty marry? Well, for a while, Greg became Mr Maybe, which relegated me to the role of Mrs Maybe. But Im getting ahead of myself… When we met, I was coming upon my two year anniversary of the death of my husband, and had enjoyed such a great love with Blair that I wasnt able to allow myself hope of ever falling that deeply and joyfully in love again. Greg was winding down his second year post nasty, rancorous, wealth-destroying divorce and child custody battle. When we met, he told me about—and then gave me a copy of—the novel he had just finished to explore what had gone wrong in his failed marriage, and to create a map to show him the way to a successful marriage—next time. Ill admit, when I read that novel, “The Unfallen,” during that first week that I knew Greg, I was shaken. I discovered that I did indeed have a chance to enjoy yet a second great love of my life… with the author of this book, with a man who had expressed true love so well in the pages of that book. So I felt cheated when I learned that the author wasnt Devon Dwyer, the heroic figure in “The Unfallen,” but instead he was Mr Maybe, the protagonist in a book Greg had yet to write. But Greg is a philosopher as well as a writer, and over the years—bless him!—he kept working on what he was getting wrong and worked those things out of our marriage, and whatever he was getting right he worked more and more into our marriage, until he/we finally—and for years now, consistently—got it right! Always the writer, Greg documented these lessons in essays about his love for me and in his newest novel, Sun City, which he completed about this time last year. And this, in a nutshell, is what Gregs newest book, “Loving Cathleen,” which Greg gave me as my anniversary gift this year, is about: About the ideas that have gone into making our marriage loving, sacred and sustainable. About the philosophy of joyously joining two individuals into one “Us.” About the why and the how to make any marriage better and better each and every day. I kiss you my ever, forever, Greg. Happy Anniversary!
Posted on: Sat, 05 Jul 2014 00:09:41 +0000
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