Well, on the last night of my career it seems an appropriate time to post this. Some friends might have noticed that my cover photo has changed to the first one here (the second one is a related image). The reason is two-fold. The first is that I am - I was - a psychologist. The second is more personal. I have suffered from depression - severe clinical depression, that is, not just feeling a bit down - for many years. When you suffer from this, there are basically three modes of existence. The first is, well, more or less normal. This is okay. This is as good as it gets. The second is feeling really terrible but still being able to fake it, and more or less function as normal. It is putting on a front, it is pretending, but it gets you through the day, even if it is sort of dishonest. The third is being unable to function at all. And I do mean at all. It is this latter which has led the university to end my career and take away my vocation on the grounds that I may, in the future, experience another episode and have to take time off work. My absence, apparently, impacts negatively on the college. I like to take this as a compliment, albeit somewhat of the backhanded variety. I wonder, if I had entered remission from cancer, would they still terminate my contract in the same way, on the grounds that the cancer might return? I suspect not. Mental health, on the other hand..... Anyway, I have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing I need to apologise for. I am ill, sometimes, and there is nothing I can do about it. I wish there was. I would do it in a flash. I do hope you will understand this, although if a Psychology department at a university can treat me like this then I can hardly expect anyone else to regard me as anything other than a nutter. I am not, however, a nutter, any more than someone with cancer is a nutter. ( Some friends would say I am definitely a nutter, but that is on totally separate grounds....) To get back to the real point of this post, the more important wider issue, it is time to change attitudes to mental health issues. It is time to talk. I am talking. Are you?
Posted on: Wed, 30 Jul 2014 21:00:03 +0000
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