What has been happening? It is a fair question to ask after my rather sudden return from Kenya and subsequent months of silence. To summarize: I left on home assignment for personal medical reasons (specifically burnout). I was at a retreat/restoration center in California for a couple months getting back on my feet, and back on the right path. There has been time spent getting to know all the new additions to my family and remembering how to live in Alberta, but mostly it has been a time of slow healing and rest. I have had many hours of reflection on self, on past choices, and future adventures. The conclusion was two-fold. First to heal, and second to pursue a much cherished dream of going back to school. Over the past 10 years I have spent most of my time living or traveling abroad, and the final 2 years in Kenya were incredible, almost indescribably so. They were also an incredibly challenging experience that often left me feeling inadequate, and so I love that I wished I knew more to be able to serve better. Something which has held me back from pursuing further Graduate studies has been the lack of clarity as to what area of studies would best equip me to serve better. And I have a confession: I do not even really like administration. I chafe at office hours and desk chairs and record keeping – no matter how naturally it comes. But I love to serve people, to empower and watch them grow, delight and embrace the Image of God and that inherent potential given to each at birth. This time in Kenya (and post-Kenya) has been full of lessons – about authenticity, the pain of voicelessness, and how faith cannot grow where healing is not welcome. And I have remembered that my heart is for healing. The plan thus far is this: rebuild a home base, study art, and enroll in a Masters of Counseling Psychology and pursue certification in Art Therapy. Art is my voice, at times it has been my only voice and in this I know that I am not alone. God-willing I am hoping to focus on using art as therapy for youth who have been through traumatic situations. This will not be a quick journey by any means. Probably close to 5 years to gain full certification that includes a Master’s degree, specialization and practicum hours. As the first step, I have officially resigned from my position as SIMPact Coordinator for SIM Kenya, and have asked SIM to hold my account at this time until I am able to return to the field. And I do want to return. I miss Kenya every day (not just when it is below freezing here). I miss the work, the people, the friends and… everything. My heart will always be there, but I know I need better skills, and better self-care, to truly fill the role awaiting. Thank you. Thank you so much for every prayer, every gift and every bit of faith that you had in me and in the work that God has done in Kenya during the past two years. I would not be on this side of the challenges without you. I would not have the courage to step forward, and especially not to step away to heal and to discover what authenticity in Christ... maybe really for the first time. Is this absurd? Is this insane even? I may be both, but is also right. Divinely right. Prayerfully right. Really and ideally. There is still a practical side to all this, even though I legitimately get to play art while studying for others and working towards authenticity of self… my mind, spirit, heart and soul feel approved, and in approval. I am so grateful to you, and for everything you have done. So thank you a thousand times over and again and again. Always in prayers, Trish Felzien
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 16:19:32 +0000
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