When I got pregnant with our third baby, I expected the fear to be gone, to not be as strong this time around. While the fear of loss always lingers, that is not what has had me randomly freaking out. Youd think after giving birth naturally, twice, and once in the front seat of a suburban on the side of a road in rural Alabama, would have me ready to tackle this third pregnancy head on. But lo and behold, here I am, afraid and wondering how the heck Im going to be able to do this again. While other moms may worry about the pain, I know I can handle that. I know it doesnt last long. I know the recovery takes time, but is doable. Nope, what I worry about is time. I fret over making it to the hospital in time, over what hospital to even choose (Im quite particular about my care and currently drive 100 miles to see my favorite midwives), over whether a home birth would be a better idea (especially knowing the midwife covered by my insurance is still an hour away). I worry about giving birth by myself, or with just my young kids with me. I love babies, and I am thankful for the blessing of being able to carry and birth them so easily, but holy crap Im scared. And I feel a bit ridiculous for being so scared when Ive done all this before.
Posted on: Tue, 28 Jan 2014 17:13:47 +0000
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