i have struggled with depression all my life, but this past summer i finally started getting better. college helped even more, and i was surprised at how quickly i made friends. i didnt have anyone to be close to throughout high school. i was happy for the change i found in college. tonight, those feelings came back, but for different reasons. no matter how many friends i make, there is always a deep-rooted feeling of loneliness festering inside of me and i dont know how to rid myself of it. i read some very old facebook messages i still had in my inbox just for boredom/nostalgias sake, and in doing so, i now feel physically sick. so many people have mistreated me for reasons i cannot see. i read these past conversations and i tried so hard to relate to people, to be friends. and it only got thrown back in my face. i dont understand how anyone can tell a person they dont matter. i treat everyone like an old friend. i try my hardest to let people know i am there for them, no matter what time it is or what the circumstances are. but no matter what, i always somehow end up feeling alone. i dont know if ill be able to shake the loneliness away this time. i dont belong here. i am not human. i am from somewhere else. i just wish i could go back to where im supposed to be.
Posted on: Wed, 27 Nov 2013 13:10:31 +0000
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