last weekend on the final conversations with mother about the future and the very next future we were on talking in a correct conversation this day and were talking about this future or my future. Well, we were talking about my doctor/specialist commands on what I can do and what I cant do from now. The first is that now clearly I cant have children right now in no way or in the future by no system. The discuss between the doctor and me, it was taking long time (for being in emergency room at the hospital). So she was saying about no possibilities in my actual state, I mean after the expurgation/emasculation. So mother and me were talking about my desire to have two kids in the future, because being mother in the natural way was my desire since the first moments of my life, completely sure of this. You cant be mother of children who have a mother, but my own life was an obligation to surrogate my principles schemes of life of my own happiness to surround with tender care and protection those without protection when they were young kids and this was taken all the principal parts of my life surrogating all my life to this regard and so on to caring more about children in circumstances and relatives. It is truth that I want to have kids but also is truth that the conditions now are not good for doing this in the moment. We talked about the possibility of having kids using the method of implanting an artificial egg, and then my mother said that I have to take the final part in what I started to finish it the most fast possible and this is also truth that is my responsibility now. I know that I am totally prepared to be a good mother cause is what Ive made for, even is this is polemic to others, thats my rendering of what it is, that I am prepared to be a good mother because this was my function on the past and I did everything in the limits of having rights to do and to be mother until is possible for me to do it, helping and caring in the possible ways but with limits because I tried even adopting when I had few years, maybe even having 12 years old, but this was a waste of time and unreasonably difficult to imagine how. Even trying to adopt homeless children and give them a home in some way, as a mother, but this was when I had 19 years old or in this age, and the child had 14 years old, so was complicated but I did everything that I could do in this moment doing all the necessary steps to help him, sometimes is difficult because my family in this moment was not on prepare to accept this, no way. I tried everything one or two times but it was not as the most easy thing to do. Then now my responsibility is to complete all the steps in my own life about being a woman in the next months. Thats my guideline, besides achieve motherhood. This have been important to me to write it, personally... not to achieve something, but as an important step to me to talk about my personal history, the true history / the diary of myself accomplishment to continue. Thats my book of life, to do the things that I am for living and doing, my own true personal way, but that doesnt mean that when you reflect the kind of person that you really are, this is like an opening door to those on prepare to make bullying to you, because somebody is always waiting in the backwards to make some kind of illegal thing or make bullying to you, or try to destroy your own life as a goal for their personal amusement, joy and happiness (like criminals, like the villains in the film Cinderella, and in the film Snow White). Is like Backstreet Boys are saying in the song Madeleine, in the new album. That I write something that means how I am as an open book, that doesnt means that my words are to serve also as an open book or an open door to those who love to make bullying online or in the streets (I refer to call them Villains or criminals because that is what they really are in the fact). In some way, what you are thinking as a thought (if is a thought in the not corrrect line)... is what you are going to receive specially in this world when the clouds are over you like villains in a methaphysic way that is simply their way, you know,.... villains are always awaiting for a moment of triumph in the circunstamces of no lightness, just awaiting for a moment to jump into your steps of your life like a cocodrile that wants meal. Thats not my way, bullying is not my way, because I love to stay in a camp, thinking, or listening music and hearing the people around me smiling and screaming while the wind is blowing and letting the sun to shine upon the head with a towel covering my head, and go to attractions, and walk to see a new place to discover, walk across the beach to do nothing but seeing the day , and nothing more that standing breating, i guess this can be offensive if you are being a transgender woman and this means a bad for others. I prefer to live this than going making bullying in the streets or online to others based on concepts of god only knows what concept of me they have. This is me as I am. Sheila Hey... the things, the bad things always comes after your movements of truth and trueness and sincerety. The evil hand awaits trueness like life awaits to be lived, but in other ways. LOVE and TOLERANCE is not made with bullying. Those in need to make bullying are in a circle to made an arrange to other ways than LOVE. Hey... this is the meaning of good things, to be lived, not to be hatred.... This is a good song about the BULLYING, it is a good song by Backstreet Boys. The song is called Madeleine and you can change the name and use your own name as the title of the song, so im going to use my own name as Alexander James McLean said in the interview. This is a song about the BULLYING of all kind. [Verse 1] Sheila Whats up with those tears in your eyes What happened when you shut down And all the amber lights turned into red In the silence of your cave, you feel safe You decorate it with velvet drapes Outside you see the dark woods But you dont know theres fields of gold ahead [Pre-Chorus] Hold on, dont let go Hold on, youll know Help is on its way [Chorus] Rise up, rise up, rise up, Sheila The sun will come out again Rise up, rise up, rise up, Sheila The summer will come and Kiss you with honesty Love you unconditionally Trust you and let you breathe Give you back your dignity So rise up, rise up, rise up little girl Cause only you can -
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 06:57:54 +0000